incense+peppermints

On Masterchef Malaysia & Us, The Culinarians.

2011-10-29T22:36:00.002+08:00

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*the opinions below are entirely my own and do not reflect the entire chef community.
*and because i'm an egomaniac, i'm going to pepper this posts with pictures of me, my students and the stuff we've been doing in culinary school.

The Masterchef series has been launched in Malaysia, to much public joy. And yet after watching the first few episodes, I cannot help but feel frustrated.

"Edwan, did you audition?"

No, I did not.

"Edwan, why didn't you audition?"

Because apparently I'm over-qualified (but since my brother works for Astro, I couldn't even if I could. Sucks.).

A menu I created. 2010.

You see, I consider myself a CHEF. I was taught the Culinary Arts, I earned the theoretical and practical know-how of the Culinary Arts, and I worked as a CHEF, and now, I am passing on that knowledge to another generation of what I hope will be future CHEFS.

myself, teaching, in class. Garde Manger, 2011.


Teriyaki Duck, with Fried Potatoes, Snow Peas & Sauteed Zucchini. One of my students.

Pan-seared salmon, with soy reduction, red basil, cucumber-rice 'sushi' and ikura. One of my students.

I think most people are seduced by the glamor and the popularity of celebrity and TV chefs. I admit, I was, too. Chef Wan, Anthony Bourdain, Jamie Oliver and my favorite, Gordon Ramsay, have given most of the general public (and I speak locally) a perception that life as a chef is glamorous, and that it pays well.


this gentlemen quit engineering to become a chef. started all over. from scratch. he's doing very well.

Salad of Crab, Avocado and Tomato Salsa with Balsamic Reduction. Recipe: Garde Manger, WILEY. Made in class.

It's not. And no, it doesn't pay well. It's a tough, tough line of work, where you work sometimes all day long, sleep 4 hours a night, and have to prepare food for hundreds of different people of different tastes. It's a life where the people you serve rarely get to see you. Most times, you're nameless, faceless behind the kitchen-wall. Professional cooking is NOT for the faint of heart. It is NOT for people thinking that it's an easy job (which, even in this day of celebrity chefs and culinary schools mushrooming, a lot of people seem to think it is).

a colleague, Chef Fazlina Zulkifli, demonstrating how to finish a dessert, mille-fieulle.

No. The road to actually becoming a top chef is hard-fought, and filled with physical, mental and emotional turmoil. SUSAH SANGAT, to be honest. Yeah, sure, there are that lucky few gifted enough, and strong enough, to make it UP THERE. But for the majority of us, it's something like this:

Enrol/Endure at least two years of Culinary School. Cooking+assignments!
Apply for internship. Be a slave for three months or so. Literally.
Graduate.
Apply for job. Be a (better paid) slave, for a few years.
Continue slaving. Move up the ladder. Quickly, if you're good or you're a suck-up. Slowly, if you're average or not a brown-noser.
Continue work. HARD. Earn an average salary of around RM2000.
Fight your way to the top. Sleep 4 hours a night. Work 8, 10, 12, 16-hour shifts.
Be tired. On off-days, look at the sky and think: "What's that bright thing up there?"
Get insulted or ridiculed or looked down upon by A LOT of people.
Repeat, for YEARS.

You think chefs are a guaranteed path to wealth? Reality check. Just like any other job, most chefs (and I exclude the gifted) only really make good money when they're 40 onwards. You think it's glamorous? Like Chef Wan seems to portray? It's not.

It's not.

What has this all got to do with Masterchef Malaysia?

Hear me out. But first, a disclaimer: in no way am I saying that the contestants are terrible. They are amateurs. Of course I don't expect them to be Michelin-star quality. Now, that's out of the way, so here goes:

I feel that Masterchef Malaysia should have opened itself to us, CHEFS. If they were worried about an unfair advantage, then perhaps they should have limited it to those with, say, less than FIVE years experience. Better still, place the priority on CULINARY ARTS students. If professionals were allowed to compete together, it would be awesome to see amateurs against them; amateurs, who rely a lot on tradition and skills passed from generation to generation, against professionals who learned cooking formally. THEN we can see a true MASTERCHEF.

Maybe this opinion is skewed. I felt a bit frustrated about not being able to audition due to the fact I’m a ‘professional’.

But, as I pointed out above, a lot of us (us, being people who studied the culinary arts professionally) had to go through at least 2 years of culinary school, and after that, slave our way from the bottom rung of the kitchen ladder to get to wherever we are today.

some of my culinary arts students.

one of many kitchen classes. the students go through a LOT.

who knows, maybe one of them will be the next Ramsay?

We work long, hard, shifts. We earn peanuts.

Seared and roasted Dijon glazed Striploin of Beef, with Spring Vegetables, Pommes Frites and Black-Pepper and Lemon Sauce. My own creation.

And there are so many of us who are talented, but in this ultra-competitive industry, it's difficult for us get national renown and recognition. I will admit that a lot of the professionals disregard the TV show, but I still believe that shows such as Masterchef Malaysia can play an instrumental role in the recognition of CHEFS in Malaysia. We have earned industry acknowledgement, we earn it constantly. But the general public? How many of them knew about Culinaire 2011? CAM? Youth CAM?

Then Masterchef Malaysia comes along, and will eventually crown a layman with no kitchen experience as ‘Masterchef’; said winner gets RM100000 (!!!) (the entry level salary for a hotel chef is around RM1400… and stays like that for a year or two…) and a book deal. Maybe a TV show?

Please realize I am not saying it's a terrible show. For the general public (admittedly, the target audience) it's great entertainment. And I acknowledge that shows such as Masterchef Malaysia do their part to increase the credibility of the Culinary Arts in Malaysia. Seeing Chef PapaJoe and Chef Zubir is a treat. Watching the contestants go through a condensed version of what I had to go through is great fun (although sometimes irritating).

Shows like Masterchef would have been great for us in the industry, especially to the young ones to showcase their talent. But as it stands, we'll have to wait on the sidelines for that opportunity to be nationally renowned.

And though I realize most of us will actually prefer to do it the hard way (and repeat the steps I mentioned above), I still think there are some of us, especially at a very young age, who deserve recognition now.

It's about time.

Here I would like to take time to appreciate the efforts of The Chefs Association of Malaysia, as well as it's youth branch, The Youth Chefs Association of Malaysia, for their constant efforts to do good in the name of The Culinary Arts. To those people with passion, keep up the good work. Keep fighting the good fight.

- Edwan

Rawak Lewat September

2011-09-22T16:28:00.001+08:00

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Edwan Adalah Awesome

I like to say that I am the coolest, awesomest, best looking human being alive.

Saying it makes me feel confident. Saying it improves my self esteem. And when I'm confident and my self-esteem is healthy, I can make things happen. I can make things work. I can take on the world. Bring it on.

"Perasan," you say. And you know what? I honestly don't care.

You wanna know why?

It's because I don't want to be that guy who is so self-loathing, so self-critiquing, so self-depreciating that he is left with not ONE ounce of confidence inside. I don't want to be the guy with ZERO self-esteem.

Besides, I think some people are secretly jealous that they don't have the guts, the confidence or the balls to say it out loud.

Sucks to be them.
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On Writing Romance and Horror, And Sometimes Both At The Same Time

I haven't written fiction for quite some time. I'll blame lack of time, but to be honest it's also because of a current shortage of good ideas. There are a few here and there, but they're unwritten. Stuck inside my head.

For instance, I have (what I think is) a cool premise to form a small novella (haha, small novella) with an old, traditional Malay horror as the backbone to the story. I've even written the storyline. I just haven't written it out. And I don't know when I would.

I also want to address a dilemma I face. Not a major one. Just one I think seems weird. It's this:

Whenever I write romantic fiction, people seem to think it revolves around something that has happened to me. Sure, most stories are inspired by real-life events, but come on, does every story have to be some incident that occured to the writer?

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Vehicular Weaponry

I have noticed that a lot of people, especially women, carry some form of weapon inside their car. Mostly, it's a short parang.

"It's useful to have," said one dude/dudette. "You never know when you might need to use it for protection."

Against what? I have no idea. Rempit, probably. Mostly I think it leans more towards a psychological comfort, as in, knowing that you have a weapon makes you feel safer. Hopefully never should the situation arise when one will actually have to use the weapon.Anyway, I have jumped on the weapon carrying bandwagon. Now, beside me, tucked between the car and the seat, lies a sword.

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The Changes On Facebook

Every so often, Facebook will update their layout as they discover trends in usage, or they discover more convenient ways for people to share stuff. I like the latest update.

Then there's always the people who go "OMG WHY FACEBOOK IS SO DIFFERENT OMG I CANT USE IT GIVE THE OLD ONE BACKK!"

The 'old one' was the one they complained about before the 'old one', before the other 'old one', and that 'older one.'

If it's so difficult for you to adapt, or if its so frustrating for you to use, then easy: stop using it altogether. If not, then get used to it la, because I'm pretty sure it's gonna change again in the future.

Or maybe by then most people will be on Google+?

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Empathy

Too much empathy is never a good thing. Everyone should learn to not give a crap so much.

Year Two, Roll On

2011-08-03T18:46:00.008+08:00

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gadoh, baik, manja, marah, garang, nangis,

ketawa, gigit, senyum, argue, merajuk, baik balik.

Happy Second Year Vivian.

I love you very much.

Hopefully this is only the second year of

many-many-many-many-many more years to come

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STORY: Twenty

2011-05-18T20:51:00.008+08:00

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DISCLAIMER:

Story might have disturbing content. Read at your own discretion. All factual errors, as well as errors in writing, are mine, and unintentional. This is a work of fiction. The situations presented in the story and the feasibility of it happening is debatable.

<"Wake up, Hasnul," said the guard at the door. But it wasn’t necessary: he was already up. He had been for the past hour or so. He sighed and arched his back, stretching his arms and legs as well. The guard at the door banged on metal bars with a short baton. “Come on, medical check-up.”

“Just me?” Hasnul asked, not really expecting an answer.

“And a few others.”

Hasnul nodded and washed his face from the small sink in his cell. He leaned on his arms and raised his head, scanning the tiny rectangle he’s been calling his own for the past seven months. He heard banging on the metal bars again and the door being unlocked. “Come on, Hasnul.” The guard smelled like lukewarm roti canai and tepid dhall.

“Had a good breakfast?” Hasnul said.

“Yes,” was the curt, short reply.

“Am I gonna get mine before the check-up?”

“No.”

Hasnul snorted. He stepped out of his cell and saw a neat line of fellow inmates already formed adjacent to the cells. He made a quick count; there were nine of them. He joined the line and the guard led them to the infirmary for their medical check-up. Hasnul was the last in line. The inmate standing in front of him was a scrawny Indian with a shaved head. They walked, some of them shuffling their feet lazily. None of them talked though. Hasnul sensed a thick stillness in the air. For all purposes, they knew why there were going for the medical check-up. He knew. His attempt at banter with the prison guard was a way of defending his own mind from the event that would happen soon.

He took a deep breath as they reached the infirmary. He suddenly wished he had a fever, or a sudden onset of the shits or whatever. But of course, when his time came for the check-up, the doctor confirmed that he was as fit as a horse.

“You’re all clear,” said the doctor, who looked like a thinner, taller version of SM Salim. Soon after, another prison guard, along with a police officer, arrived at the infirmary. The police officer was a kind looking man with a moustache as thick as a broom.

“Is everyone ready?” he asked, but to no one in particular. He looked at the inmates, and gave a satisfied nod. He motioned to the prison guard. “Bring them to the courtyard.”

At the mention of this, some of the inmates along with Hasnul swallowed. One of them started looking visibly nervous. Hasnul himself felt a pit in his stomach, and his head felt dizzy. The prison guard led them to the courtyard. As they passed by, they heard the whipping sounds.

To Hasnul, they sounded very loud. Occasionally they heard muffled cries of pain coming from the convicts.

Soon enough Hasnul and the others were led into a sun-lit courtyard. All the prisoners took a look at the rack; A-shaped, ready to receive them. About 20 meters opposite the rack was a tent set up, and beneath the shade, sat at a small office desk, was the police officer in charge. The officer cast long glances at the prisoners, including Hasnul, as they were led to an empty room. Hasnul noticed the presence of several other prison personnel, including the doctor who had given them their check-up. He must have arrived just after them.

They were led to a waiting room, with a single guard on watch.

“How many have you got?” asked a dark skinned Malay man to another prisoner with a snaggle toothed grin.

“Ten, God forgive me.”

“Fifteen”

“Six.”

The answers volleyed back and forth between them, and Hasnul noticed all of them were trying to make light of the situation. Hasnul himself felt his knees were turning into rubber, and there was a pit in his stomach that he couldn’t quite settle. A few of the prisoners nervously shook their hands and feet, as if it would help.

The first prisoner was summoned. The rest looked at him solemnly as the prison officer led him out. From the courtyard they heard the sentence being announced, and they heard the voice of their fellow convict answer the trivial queries by the officer in charge.

“Sometimes I think I’d rather get 100 years in prison rather than face this day,” one of the waiting convicts said. A few of them agreed. Hasnul hung his head between his knees as he sat on the floor, his buttocks cool from the cement. A prison guard stepped inside the room and announced, “Hasnul Ariff bin Hasnul Mat.”

Hasnul stood up, slowly and deliberately. “Yes, Tuan.”

“Follow me.”

They stepped into the courtyard. The caning rack was empty, but Hasnul could have sworn he saw droplets of blood on the cement floor. The whipsman, a burly, muscular Indian man, was taking his pick from a rack of thick rattan canes. Hasnul was led to the tent and he faced the officer in charge.

“Hasnul Ariff bin Hasnul Mat,” said the officer. “Identification card number 740909-04-4439.”

“Yes, Tuan.”

“Today you are to be sentenced to 20 strokes of the rotan.” The officer let it hang. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, Tuan.”

“If so, you may go and prepare. Thank you.”

“Yes, Tuan. Thank you, Tuan.”

Hasnul felt like an idiot. There were so many eyes present to witness the caning. This was not merely a physical punishment, he thought. His mind would hurt as much as his buttocks.

He was then led to a small room.

“Please undress and put on this loincloth,” the escorting officer said. His name tag read ‘Malik’. “Prepare, cooperate, and this will be over before you know it.” Officer Malik then left the room as Hasnul undressed and put on the loincloth. The loincloth seemed like nothing more than a small leather apron which covered his cock and balls, leaving his buttocks exposed.

He took deep breaths, and, as an afterthought, he slapped his butt-cheeks a few times. He thought that might help numb the nerves. He paced in the small room. The first fingers of fear began to brush him, and started to sweat. The beads of perspiration were cold, and felt very heavy on his skin. His mind was swirling and his thoughts landed on some familiar faces from his past life. A life he had spent and wasted through one fatal error in judgment. He felt the pangs of a headache.

Faces. Young faces, bubbly, full of life. The laughter of children.

Hasnul steadied himself. The fear was being augmented by another powerful feeling; guilt.

More giggling. The cacophony of noises from a playground.

Hasnul rubbed his face with the palm of his hands.

“Ready?”

He turned at the voice, startled. It was the prison guard, Malik. Hasnul hesitated. Finally he nodded.

“Come,” the guard said. Hasnul moved after him as he was led to the caning rack. A few prison officials or policemen (he didn’t know, and at this point, it didn’t matter) were already there, along with the doctor. The officer who escorted him motioned for him to lie flat on his stomach on the caning rack.

“Spread your legs, lean forward,” said one of the guards. Hasnul complied.

Two young girls. One of them had curly brown hair and honey brown skin. The other was a Pan-Asian girl with grey eyes. Beautiful.

The prison guards tied him on the rack. When he was secure, they strapped a guard, which looked like a saddle, on his buttocks. The guard exposed the solid meat of the gluteus while keeping the other areas protected. That was where he would be caned.

Hasnul, watching. The two young girls were playing badminton. The other children didn’t pay attention to them. Hasnul was. From his car, he watched their lithe young bodies move on the court. He started to feel a familiar tingle from his loins.

The prison guards finished securing him to the rack and gave the thumbs up to an officer in full police uniform, standing beside the rack. The caner, the same muscular Indian man, had taken his position behind Hasnul. Hasnul couldn’t see him, of course. But he somehow felt the mans presence.

Hasnul in the car, rubbing his crotch. His heart skipped a beat as one of the girls jumped for a smash, and as she did so her shirt lifted, exposing a band of creamy white skin. That’s it, Hasnul thought. He stepped out of the car. As he walked towards them, he could barely contain his excitement.

Hello girls, he said. The girls stopped playing and looked at him curiously.

Hi, my name is Uncle Hasnul. I’m from the Badminton Association. You know Rashid Sidek?

The girls nodded. They were cautious. Hasnul smiled.

Well, Rashid Sidek is my boss, and he’s asked me to scout around looking for future talents. I see you two are very good. How old are you?

The girls smiled. We’re ten years old, they said.

That’s wonderful! We need young talent like you two. Say, would you like to meet Rashid Sidek?

Wide smiles and enthusiastic nods. This was in the bag. They were not the first.

Well let’s say we take a ride and go see him, would you like that? Hasnul said, smiling.

Hesitation. The girls looked at each other. They needed convincing.

Come on, I’ll send you back straight away. It’s not far, just ten minutes drive, Hasnul said. Rashid is waiting for me, he continued.

The girls looked at each other, shrugged sweetly and said, Okay.

“Ready?” the officer in charge motioned to the caner. The caner nodded, flexing the thick rattan cane in his hands. Hasnul heard them vaguely. His eyes were glazed, his expression void.

“TWENTY STROKES,” the officer in charge said in a loud and commanding voice. Hasnul closed his eyes.

The girls in the car, faces eager to meet a national hero. Hasnul driving, already feeling moist in his pants.

Say, why not we ask Rashid to play a game with us? I can drop my house and get racquets?

Without waiting for an answer he drove on to a house. Not his house; but a house. It was his sisters house. She wasn’t in the country. He had the keys. Normally he wouldn’t have, but it was the nearest place. He couldn’t wait anymore.

Come inside, I need to look for the racquets, Hasnul said. He glanced around and saw no neighbours around. The two girls stepped in and he closed the door behind them. He thought he had locked it.

Wait here girls, Hasnul said, Uncle wants to go get the stuff.

The girls looked a bit uneasy, but they smiled at him.

The officer in charge drew a breath. Loudly, he said, “ONE.”

Hasnul stiffened his body. In a split second he swing of the cane, and he heard the cane slice through the air. There was sickening CRACK as the cane came into contact with the skin of his buttocks. He squeezed his eyes as every pain receptor in his body seemed to go off at once. The pain was monstrous, burning through the flesh and reaching to his bones. He could almost feel the tiny blood vessels beneath the skin burst.

In the house. Girls, he called from the room, Can you help Uncle with these racquets please? He was already undressed, his cock hanging stiff between his thighs. He heard the shuffle of small feet coming in from the living room. He stood behind the door, ready to spring his trap.

As the girls walked into the room, he slammed the door behind him and locked it. The girls yelled and spun around. Hasnul paced forward in rapid steps and he slapped both girls hard across the face. They fell to the floor, shocked. When they saw he was naked, their eyes widened and they cowered from him.

Now, Hasnul said, his voice deeper, crueler. Now, don’t scream and don’t do anything stupid. If you do, I will kill you. I will take a pair of scissors and stick it in your necks, got it?

The girls began to cry. He slapped them again. One of the girls, the Pan Asian, had her lips split from the slap.

You can cry, I like that, Hasnul said.

“TWO,” and a whip, and another lightning bolt of pain shot through his body. His buttocks trembled. He could not see it, but the rest could; the skin now had two almost parallel welts, about 8 inches long, spanning the length of the buttocks. The muscle beneath was already bruised and bleeding on the inside. The welts had faint, feathery edges where the skin was starting to tear.

“THREE!”

Hasnul gritted his teeth. He could feel a hand on his back, patting him, as if reassuring him. He found that odd. Punishment apparently came with compassion.

“FOUR!”

The cane seemed to sink into his flesh, and he felt the rattan tip swipe into the welt, trying to open a wound. The witnesses could see that the skin was not yet broken; but none of them doubted it soon will be.

In the room. Now take off your clothes, Hasnul said. The girls didn’t comply. TAKE IT OFF, Hasnul said. The girls flinched. TAKE THEM OFF OR I’LL SMASH YOUR HEADS ON THE WALL, Hasnul said.

The girls undressed, hesitantly, out of fear. As they came out of their clothes, Hasnul began to stroke himself. That’s it, he said. Lemme see them little bodies.

He moved closer towards the girls. They withdrew from him. He punched one in the jaws, the other on the chest. They fell down, crying, frightened. GET UP, Hasnul said. Come here, stand in front of me, he said as he sat on the bed. The girls were too scared to disobey; both of them now bore bruises from being hit. They stood in front of him.

He caressed their bodies with his hands, noting the absence of chest bumps. No matter, this was how he liked it. He leaned in to kiss their chests but they pulled back, so he smacked their heads together. They dropped to the floor, almost wailing but he shut them up by squeezing their faces and telling them if they so much as raised a voice, he’d cave their skulls in with a hammer.

“FIVE!!”

The cane swung fast, and hit hard. This stroke felt like a white hot knife with a serrated blade was plunged into his buttocks. Hasnul kept quiet, but his whole body was trembling. Drool slipped out between his lips, and tears started to well in his eyes.

“SIX!”

Whup! The cane struck again. He felt the tip brush against a grainy, sandy wetness and he knew that his skin was broken. A few of the witnesses started to wince. They saw what Hasnul could not. The cane had sliced open the skin of the buttocks, exposing the dermis. Blood trickled from the wound. It looked raw.

“SEVEN!!”

Hasnul’s hips jerked from the pain and the guard’s fastenings opened. “Whoa, whoa, hang on,” said one of the guards. “We need to tie him back up.” The officers began to re-secure Hasnul to the rack. He was glad for this reprieve, although he knew it would only be for a minute or two.

In the room. You, Hasnul said to the curly haired girl. On your knees. She did as she was told. She was sobbing. Suck this, Hasnul said. The girl shook her head furiously. Tears fell on his feet. DO IT! Hasnul scolded. He grabbed the girl by the hair and forced her to suck him.

The Pan Asian drew her gaze away. Hasnul rammed a hand between her thighs. She exclaimed in pain. Hasnul pushed his fingers inside and she let out a tiny shriek.

SHUT UP, he said. The girl was trying hard not to wail. Hasnul leaned forward and licked her face like a dog would lick its master. The curly haired girl had stopped. Hasnul leapt to his feet.

Lie down on the bed, he said.

“EIGHT!”

“NINE!”

“TEN”

The strokes came in even intervals. Hasnul had thought that the pain would dull with each stroke. He was dead wrong. Each time the cane slammed into his skin, it was as if there were new, fresh pain receptors just waiting to fire his body. One of the attending guards whispered into his ears, “Patience. Ten more.”

Hasnul sobbed.

They were crying in pain as he forced himself into them. He bit their shoulders hard, drawing blood. When their cries seemed to be just a little louder than he liked, he punched them in the stomach, and slapped their faces hard.

Hasnul didn’t care. Their youth was what he wanted. He toyed with their bodies as if they were dolls. He touched them here and there, and ran his tongue over them.

“ELEVEN”

“TWELVE”

The witnesses to the caning watched. Some of them were stoic, expressionless. These were the witnesses who had seen this a hundred times before. The others, of whom this was the first time, were visibly distraught. They winced and grimaced at the strokes. They were in amazement at how fragile the human skin really was. The buttocks belonging to the convict started to look like raw meat. The blood already trickled onto the cement floor. The officer announcing the number of strokes looked as grim as Death itself.

“THIRTEEN!”

“Aagh,” Hasnul exclaimed in pain. He pissed himself. His feet were stiff, frozen in their archways. Tears ran freely from his eyes. Saliva dripped from his open mouth.

“Patience, patience,” said a soothing voice. He felt a hand on his back. It was strangely comforting.

The girls huddled in a corner. Hasnul pleasuring himself, looking at their bruised and battered bodies. They were crying.

That was fun, Hasnul said and laughed. He was feeling a bit drowsy now. He had used both girls.

Now sit there while I take a breather, he said. He laughed again.

Just as he dropped his head to lay down a moment, the girls suddenly got on their feet. They were so quick. They opened the door and ran out, screaming. They were still naked.

Hasnul got to his feet but slipped and fell. He hit his head on a cupboard. He cursed out loud.

NO NO NO NO NO NO.

He ran out the bedroom just as he heard the front door being opened and the girls running out, screaming. He heard a neighbor exclaim in shock, OH MY GOD WHAT ON EART—

Hasnul ran back to the room and got dressed. He rushed. He got back in the car and slammed into the gate, forgetting that it was still closed. The girls were no where to be seen; a neighbor had probably taken them in.

“FOURTEEN!”

“FIFTEEN!”

Hasnul began to sob uncontrollably. The cane sent violent spasms up his spine.

Hasnul, stopped by a police car. Hasnul, arrested, brought to the station. ID’d, fingerprinted, locked up.

“SIXTEEN!”

Hasnul, being charged with the rape & assault of two minors.

“SEVENTEEN”

The guilt was strong now. Stronger than before.

Hasnul, in court. All evidence against him. The judge, sentencing.

You have abused your place as an adult, a protector, and you have ruined the lives of two innocent children to satisfy your demonic, animalistic needs. If there were a death penalty for this crime I would not have hesitated one second…

“EIGHTEEN!!”

The cane again. He felt wetness on his buttocks, and knew it to be blood.

Hasnul, first official night in prison. Sitting on his bunk, head in his hands.

He thought of the two little girls. Two little girls he had helped ruin. They would never be the same.

The guilt came like a tidal wave. It crashed through his conscience and his thoughts, heavy and overpowering. He sobbed. He sobbed and tears fell to the floor.

“NINETEEN”

Hasnul sobbed on the rack.

Forgive me, Ya Allah. Forgive me, children. FORGIVE ME! He had sobbed that first night in prison.

“TWENTY”

The final stroke came. It hurt just like the nineteen others before it.

FORGIVE ME! Hasnul screamed in his prison cell.

“DONE!” said the officer in charge. Hasnul wilted on the rack, energy drained through the ordeal. The prison attendants began to untie him. One of them tried to keep him calm. But as they untied him from the rack, he fell backwards and passed out.

Hasnul in the cell. Haunted by his deeds. He knew he would be caned. But he thought it would have been better to have been given death. Suddenly the thought of having to bear the guilt and sin of what he did seemed more torturous than even a million strokes of the cane.

When I Was…

2011-03-25T23:27:00.002+08:00

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When I was 4 years old I had my first ‘girlfriend’ of sorts; she was missing two front teeth and had hair the color of a raven’s feather. Our parents used to tease us that one day we’d get married and we’d both jeer and sneer at each other. But then came playtime and she’d make me her ‘tea-party’ guest and served me imaginary tea and cakes in empty plastic cups. We played everyday until her family moved away and I never saw her ever again. I missed her but my 4 year old mind didn’t allow me think about it. The next day I was playing like nothing ever happened, and this 4 year old girl would cease to exist to me.

When I was 11 years old, and all the girls in school were getting bumps on their chests and me and my friends would wonder what they looked like beneath those stupid shirts, I had my first real crush. She was in my class, and her name was… Dear God, I don’t remember. All I remember was she was (back then) the prettiest girl I ever saw, and I would think of me and her holding hands and say cheesy things like “I love you” until my cheeks would flush red and my eyes took on this glazed, dreamy look. In my childs mind I already saw me and her married and staying home doing… whatever it was married people do. Then one day I told her I liked her and she said “I don’t like you, you jerk!” and I went back and told my mother what she said. My mothed laughed (a little insultingly) and jus said, “Don’t worry dear, you’re only eleven.” I had no idea what she meant, and after she said that, I didn’t tell her that I felt this peculiar aching inside my heart… because to be honest, I didn’t understand it myself. But I would again.

When I was 15 years old I had my first real girlfriend. And I remember her name: Julia. She was in the same class as I was, and we’d been stealing glances at each other for more than a few weeks until surprisingly, she came to me and told me she liked me. I thought that was the amazing thing to ever happen in my life at the time. Julia was demure and quiet, and she was sweet with me. We’d sneak away on dates after school, always to the nearby mall where we’d have ice cream or talk about the latest pop songs and TV shows. I thought her so beautiful that I’d write her corny notes in class and ask her friends to pass it to her, and one day a teacher caught us passing notes and decided to make us read the notes out loud. It was humiliating, but afterwards both of us giggled and laughed it off like crazy. Six months into the relationship, she told me she loved me, and I told her I loved her, and we were both happy. I was happy that I was convinced that I would spend my life loving her. Nothing was impossible to my teenaged mind at the time.

But when I was 18 and we had dated for three years and I was still so much in love with her, on this one beautiful day where the sun was soft and the clouds were like cotton candy amongst the clearest blue skies, Julia came to see me just before she left for college to tell me she didn’t want to be together anymore. When I asked her why she refused to answer and instead told me that we should just be friends. Despite my protests, she left without looking back and it was only a few weeks later did I find out that she left to go to the same college with my ‘best friend’ of whom she’d be cheating on me with. So I felt my first real heartbreak, and It felt like drowning in a sea boiling with rage, where the light was bleak and there was no helping hand, where all I could hope for was a face that I knew for certain back then would never come back.

And then two years passed, and when I was 20 I met this girl in college who was smart and quirky and had the brightest eyes I’ve ever seen. Summoning the courage I never knew I had, I asked her out and she said yes. Her name was Damia and she was an arts major who wore scarves and hats to class. She picked me up in a yellow Volkswagen Beetle and we had our first date eating sate by a roadside. I was totally captivated and for the first time in a couple of years I felt alive again. Two weeks later I asked her to go steady with me by saying I had a huge crush on her and she said yes. I was ecstatic, and everyday I’d see her in college and every other weekend we’d go on picnics and hikes, and we’d visit museums and libraries.

But when I was 22 Damia and I graduated and we shifted to different places and started our own jobs. We tried hard to spend time together, but maybe not hard enough. We went on long periods without seeing each other and one day I woke up to find that I didn’t miss her, and we met and talked things over and we ended our romantic relationship there and then, on mutual grounds. We kept in touch, if only sporadically. One day I was reading the news and there, on the front page, was a photo of her. She had died in a horrific car accident en route to work, and without realizing it I shed tears that fell on the newspaper and smudged the ink.

I dated on and off for a few years, then when I was 25 I met this lady who was a friend of a friend from work, and she took my breath away. Her name was Farah and there was something about her that was so irresistible. After meeting her in the company of our mutual friend a few times I could no longer deny I liked her and yes, I asked for her number and we got in touch on the phone a few times and one day I asked her out. We had dinner at a nice restaurant and took a stroll in the city and she linked her arms around mine. I looked into her eyes and I thought to myself: she could be the one. After a few months we became a steady couple and after another few months I told her I was in love with her and she told me she felt the same way too, and I remember taking her hand and kissing her fingers and she smiled.

And then one lovely day when I was 27, Farah and I were married in a simple but happy ceremony, with all our closest friends and family present and they wished us well, and that we’d have a long and happy life together. Farah looked gorgeous in her wedding dress, and I would have this lasting image of her holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand and smiling at me as she stood on the altar. I remember the joyful faces of everyone in the crowd, and I knew then that the world was mine and that my life was now complete because I had her as my wife.

When I was 29 our marriage celebrated its second anniversary and we gave each other the most wonderful gift of all when we our first daughter was born. We named her Ilya and she was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I wanted to spend every waking moment looking at her and cuddling her and making sure she would grow up to be a loving child, a smart child, a child we could be proud of. Farah and I would spend hours contemplating our childs future, and our own future.

But when Ilya was 10 years old and I was 39, Farah and I started to constantly fight. We would point out each others shortcomings and we would argue hard throughout the night and Ilya would watch us silently, uncomprehending. Farah would blame me for being uncaring or for not understanding, and I’d blame her for the same things. One day it got so bad Ilya started to cry out of fear and that was when we realized we were hurting each other and hurting our daughter more. From that day on, we tried harder to be who we used to be, loving and caring and full of support for each other.

When I was 42 Farah and I drew each others’ last straws and after a bitter discussion we agreed to divorce each other. Sometimes, like some people say, things just don’t work out no matter how we try. Honestly, when I look back, I can never really pin point what really happened between Farah and I. One day, it seemed, everything just dissolved, like a spoonful of sugar you absently stir into a cup of tea. We parted in silence, with Ilya the only bridge between us. There were times when I questioned the decision to separate, but I never once said a word. I consoled myself by saying it was better this way. Maybe all that was wrong with us was that we needed a break from each other.

I focused on work until my retirement, and when I was 56 my daughter Ilya married her long time boyfriend, whom she’d know since her college days. On her wedding day I noted how beautiful my daughter had grown to be, how alike her mother she was in both physical looks and mannerisms. I was so touched I cried, for she was my only daughter and now I had to let her go to be under the care of someone else. Farah and I had become friends by now and I don’t know; perhaps it was the romance in the air at the wedding, or perhaps it was something deeper than that, but we hit if off once again and we started to date. Maybe you might scoff at the idea of two middle aged people dating, but honestly, it was the most natural thing in the world.

And so it was when I was 57, Farah and I remarried in a quiet ceremony, with only our daughter and her husband along with their little baby, my grandson, to celebrate with us. Farah and I moved in back together, and our lives resumed the same way it had before our divorce; all the pieces just fit back together, as if there had never been years apart for us at all. And it was somehow better. Perhaps aged has mellowed us down but there was a whole lot more love and caring this time around. It was as if we’ve accepted our roles in this life, and finally, we can stop chasing the world and instead kick back and watch the sun go down on our own time.

We would live to be happy for years ahead, until, when I was 67, Farah passed away peacefully in her sleep and I lost the love of my life, of whom I’ve shared so much with and spent half a lifetime together with. Oh how I had wept that morning when I woke up and realized she was there but no longer ‘there’. Oh how you could almost hear my heart break when I knew for certain that I would never again see her smile when she woke up beside me, and how I could never again talk to this woman who was my soul-mate, my best friend, my life-companion. The years that passed after Farah went away all seemed to move too fast; Ilya insisted that I stay with her, and my son-in-law was very helpful and accommodating to me. I saw my grandchildren increase, and I watched as my daughter handled her family like only a loving wife and mother could. I see Farah in her, and that soothed my heart, knowing that Farah and I had raised her well, raised her good, and that now Ilya was her own woman with her own life to take care of.

So four years ago when I was 70, I pooled all my life savings and bought a small house away from the city, and there I said goodbye to my daughter and son-in-law and my grandchildren, and she had wept and said she’d visit often, and I had told her how it was okay if she couldn’t constantly be there. I didn’t want to burden my daughter. I was just an old man who was content. So I moved into my little house, and I kept a cat as a companion. I call him Mr. Buggles because I overfeed him and he waddles to his dish.

And here I am today, 74 years of age, living comfortably in my little house away from the city with my tubby cat as a friend. My daughter visited often, and it would always delight me to see my grandkids. I think they are one of the reasons that I’ve kept on going with life. I jog 20 minutes everyday, eat good meals and not a minute doesn’t go by that I don’t say a prayer for my late wife’s soul, and for the happiness of all the people I love and care for.

When I look back at these long years that have been my life, I guess I can finally say that I’ve reached a point where I can look back and smile at all the relationships I’ve been through. Not just at the happy bits, but for the sad bits too. Love has changed my life in more ways than one; love has made me strong and then made me weak, but it came back and made me stronger again. I guess, you could say, that if you live your life with love, then you’ll be alright until the day you die.

And so I say to you; love your life, and love the people who are part of it. Because that is what you take with you when it all comes to an end; the love you had for the people in your life, and the love they had in return for you. It’s enough to make the your twilight years seem not so bad at all.

One Thing Leads To Another

2011-02-19T16:53:00.003+08:00

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I'm generally a nice guy.

No, seriously, I am. I don't always show it though; most times, especially with strangers that I can't synchronize a vibe with, I come off as cold and un-friendly.

Give me time, and if my subconscious decides you're okay, then I'll warm up to you.

But don't get your hopes up too high.

---

I do have my mean streaks though; that mostly happens when I'm particularly cranky. But people who know me also know that when I'm cranky, I tend to be quiet and very, very cold.

But I don't get angry at people. Very rarely.

And that is a problem.

---

I had this dream the other night where in it, me and this unknown guy have a grunge. In this dream, I think I was possessed, or rather, I had certain inhuman qualities. For one, I had far more than usual hair on my arms (or is that normal?).

Anyway, as I was making my way to beat the shit out of this random fuck, his 'friend' steps in my way and says something alone the lines of, "IF YOU WANNA GET TO HIM, YOU GOTTA GET THROUGH ME!"

Being a nice guy (even in dreams), I first politely asked this person to step aside. But he refused and proceeded to physically intimidate me.

He swung a punch, and this was where I caught his arm, put my free hand on his shoulder, and tore his arm off, including part of his shoulder and ribs along with it.

I chucked the arm to the side, pushed the now one-armed jackass out of the way, and proceeded to beat the shit out of the nameless fuck.

I woke up feeling deeply satisfied, and it made me wonder...

---

... what kind of person would I be if I genuinely had superpowers? I'm a geek, so I like thinking about this.

I decided that if I had superpowers, I would choose to be a supervillain; I would use my powers to live a life of hedonism, with no inhibitions.

I would use these powers for the destruction of humanity itself. I would use these powers to raze buildings to the ground, and turn the rivers red and the skies black.

And I would leave no one in my wake.

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I Make Awesome Burgers... from crappy ingredients

2011-02-05T18:37:00.006+08:00

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There are times when nothing else hits the sweet spot except a Ramly burger.But herein lies the dilemma.

Let's face it, no matter how nationalistic you are, Ramly burgers are actually pretty crap. Seriously, C-R-A-P. The thin patties turn into stupid ovals no matter how much you press onto them, and they'll end up dry, with the texture of dessicated haemorrhoids (not that I've tasted any haemorrhoids, but whatever).

But there's a workaround to this! :D

You know what I do?

First, I take TWO patties, and defrost them slightly so they're brittle, but not soft. In a food processor, blitz the patties into rough chunks. Pour it out, and form them into one circular patty. Sorry I don't have photos of them raw. But it's important to NOT handle them a lot.

Make sure the patty is slightly wider in diameter compared to the buns you're serving them with; allow about 1cm extra. Why? Because burgers shrink, so you gotta take that into account. Put them in the chiller while you prepare the bun however you see fit.

So now it's time to cook the patty. Season the patty with salt and black pepper. Get a skillet smoking hot; as soon as you see smoke rise, gently place the patty in and LEAVE IT FOR ABOUT 3 MINUTES. This will help develop a crust.

sizzle, sizzle!

After that 3 minutes are up, flip the patty. Cook for another 3 minutes again, on high heat.

crunchy, crusty beefy patties :D

You'll end up with crunchy crusty patties with a moist, juicy, medium rare interior.. >:D

I don't care about eating Ramly burgers medium rare, though some might puke at the idea.

melt some cheese on top for some 'tang', and also for deposit for an arterial sclerosis

I finished my burger with some cheap cheese. But on another day, I'll have caramelized onions and Habanero sauce along with the cheese.

look, my patties are nicely aligned with the buns.

see how, with some effort, you can make even the crappiest food look nice? :)

crunchy exterior. juicy interior. best. Ramly burgers. ever.

Oh and my burger joint?

Think along the same lines, but with better, higher quality ingredients.

:D

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PROJECT: The Burger Joint

2011-01-10T23:14:00.002+08:00

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'The Burger Joint* by Muhammad Edwan'

Concept: An American West Coast hamburger cafe/stall, serving freshly made burgers and quality hot dogs, with some sides and beverages. It will be fast-food style, but not fast food. All food will be cooked to order.

Menu items:
All beefburgers, chicken and fish sandwiches, chicken hot dogs, fries, onion rings, pickle chips, fried mushrooms, milkshakes, soft drinks

Important points:

Burgers will be made with 100% beef (blend to be decided), with no filler like breadcrumbs or eggs. Beef to be ground fresh daily, hand formed and not frozen.
Chicken sandwich to be whole thigh fillet. Fish sandwich will be whole fillet of suitable white fish.
Hot dogs to be from reputable suppliers.
Fries will be fresh cut potatoes, fried to order. Type of french fry to be decided. Onion rings freshly sliced and battered to order.
Pickle chips to be from reputable and high quality manufacturer, or home-made.
Ice cream to be from high quality manufacturer. Soft drinks from the usual.

All raw food material to be as fresh as possible, with little to no pre-fabrication or packaging.

Target market: Fast-food 'graduates', burger enthusiasts, people who want good quality food; age demographic 15 - 45.

Price range: Average spend MYR8/head

- to be continued

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Within This Year, Or The Next

2011-01-10T01:42:00.003+08:00

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I am trying to put my culinary skills to good use (you know, other than by teaching in an official capacity), and have been cracking my head trying to come up with a good and more importantly feasible project.

One of my favorite foods? The burger. I love all kinds (hence, one of the main culprit for my ahem, physical state of being), so one of my main goals is to set up a burger shop.

And keep in mind, not fast-food burgers, but fast-food style burgers.

Hear me out, and this is where I did my research:

It's a site dedicated to the hamburger, of all kinds and styles.

Reading through has seriously educated me on the art of the burger (haha), so much so that I'm actually kinda perplexed as to why aren't there more of the kinds of burger places they have there (in USA) over here, in the Klang Valley?

I wanna remedy this. After reading The AHT Guide To Hamburgers, I knew what I wanted to do.

A smashed burger joint.

Chief inspiration: Shake Shack, constantly review as having some of the best burgers in America.

Shake Shack 'Shackburger', image from A Hamburger Today

People line up for an hour to get their burgers, picture from A Hamburger Today

I want to have this kind of joint.

I want my joint to be a casual place, a place to enjoy great burgers without pretentiousness, or having to pay RM20++ like you would at TGIF, Chillis et al. And my place will take a page out of the Shake Shack recipe in specializing in only burgers. Better to be good at one thing than to be jack of all trades but master of none.

I need to get some more research done at this point. Opening a restaurant is ball-crunchingly expensive, so maybe I'll start of with a burger van instead?

Think: burgers made with FRESH ingredients, not those Ramly stuff, but at an affordable price?

Wish me luck!

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There Goes The Decade

2010-12-31T00:09:00.002+08:00

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Rather than some drawn out, pseudo-intellectual speech about the 'ups and downs' of the year 2010, I'll summarize my year with a favorite quote of mine:

"Though in achieving somethings I set morality aside, I have no regrets."

- m.e.s

Thankful

2010-12-25T19:20:00.002+08:00

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How often do you express gratitude to the people in your life?

Here's mine, on a 'piece of paper'.

I am thankful for my little Cupcake, who, despite being garang, is sweet and caring and loving towards me. I love you, Wong Pei Wen.

I am thankful for my family, for providing me warmth, shelter, love, and the best damn food I've ever had the privilege of having in my life.

I am thankful for my best friends, The LCN, who have never judged me, and who have always stood by my side, through pouring rain and searing heat, and most of all for just being the best friends one could ask for.

- Edwan

FOR SALE

2010-12-08T14:56:00.007+08:00

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FOR SALE:

CANON EOS 400D Digital SLR
(also known as Rebel XTi)

- used
- Includes CANON EF-S 18-55mm
and
TAMRON 55-200mm
- Camera is in exellent condition

Sample photos I took using this camera:

more at: http//www.flickr.com/photos/edwan

- Catches: eyecup is missing but that won't hamper useage and functions; easily replaceable

PRICE:

RM1500
(negotiable)

INTERESTED LEAVE A COMMENT

OR

EMAIL: KAKULUKHIA (AT) YAHOO (DOT) COM

first come, first serve

--

The Replacement

2010-12-02T21:20:00.006+08:00

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In early 2009 I bought a Macbook White to replace my then aging Sony Vaio C13G. It was my first Mac OS X computer after a long series of Windows machines.

I loved it. I loved the simplicity of Mac OS X, and I loved the prettiness of the hardware. The best thing about it was its stability, and most of all, it never once caught viruses, malware or spyware. It was this last factor that hooked me on Macs.

But all good things come to an end, I guess. My Macbook White died after an unfortunate incident.

Old faithful.

So I was left computer-less for awhile. I began looking for a replacement. I needed something portable, so < style="font-weight: bold;"> It also had to be decently powerful, so netbooks were out of the question. After seeing how nice Windows 7 was, I began eyeing some Windows laptops.

Namely the Sony Vaio S series:

Vaios have always looked fucking hot.

And also the Dell M101Z:

but not in hot pink la, obviously... *whistles*

And most of all, I was attracted to the seriously powerful and small Lenovo Thinkpad Edge 11:

Seriously impressive, gorgeous too.

But then I started thinking.. and I decided I didn't want to use Windows. I didn't want to migrate away from Mac OS X. So I went back to the Apple store site to look.

They had a new Macbook, in white.

But I didn't want my laptop yellowing again. And I read reviews saying that the newer Macbook scratches easily and yellows quickly.

So for the same price*, I bought a Macbook Air, the 11.6" version.

Fast enough, durable, and light as a (relative feather). And though I'm paying dearly for it... well, let's just say I love it, a lot.

:)

Tentang Berak dan Tahi

2010-11-21T20:32:00.003+08:00

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Semua orang berak dan menghasilkan tahi. Setelah meneliti dengan teliti dan tertib, artikel ini akan membincangkan tentang berak dan tahi.

1. BERAK
Berak adalah sesuatu kelakuan semulajadi semua makhluk hidup, tetapi artikel ini akan fokus kepada berak manusia.

Berak akan terjadi apabila tahi telah penuh di 'kuala buntut', ataupun nama saintifiknya, 'rektum'. Berak sebenarnya hasil pencernaan dan penghadaman makanan. Adalah patut di titik beratkan di sini, lain-lain makanan akan menghasilkan lain-lain jenis berak.

1.1 Jenis-Jenis Berak
Berak boleh di bahagikan kepada beberapa jenis. Penulis pasti semua orang pernah mengalami jenis-jenis berak berikut, dan jika ada tersilap atau terlupa untuk di tulis, maafkan penulis.

Berikut adalah jenis-jenis berak:

Berak biasa - berak yang tiada apa-apa yang istimewa mengenainya. Tahi keluar dengan mudah dan biasanya tahi berwarna coklat yang biasa sahaja. Berak ini bererti si pemberak makan cukup zat, cukup fibre dan cukup air.
Berak sembelit - berak yang kurang zat, kurang air dan kurang fiber. Berak ini di karektiristikkan dengan kesakitan di lubang buntut, seperti ada sesuatu yang keras hendak mengjenguk keluar. Tahi biasanya busuk dan warnanya boleh kehitam-hitaman, dengan cebisan-cebisan darah kerana lubang buntut terluka.
Berak cirit - berak yang keluar ketulan separa cecair ataupun sepenuhnya cecair. Berlaku kerana terlebih air, terlebih fibre, terlebih zat.
Berak meletup - berak yang di sertai dengan kentut. Di gelar berak meletup kerana biasanya tekanan kentut akan memercikkan partikel-partikel tahi merata-rata.

Kesemua berak di atas mungkin juga berak pedas kerana terlebih cili.

2. TAHI
Tahi adalah hasil makanan yang tercerna dan akan di keluarkan dalam proses berak. Ia boleh datang dalam pelbagai bentuk, warna dan tekstur.

2.2 Jenis-Jenis Tahi
Berikut adalah jenis-jenis tahi yang biasa

Tahi sihat - berwarna coklat keperangan, teksturnya tidak terlalu keras, tidak terlalu lembut. Mudah di berakkan. Biasanya panjang seperti sosej yang tebal. Umpama Nutella yang berada di suhu bilik. Mudah di sapu atas roti. Baunya biasanya tidak terlalu busuk, tetapi baunya boleh berlegar-legar di jamban.
Tahi sembelit - biasanya kehitaman, bertekstur kasar dan keras, umpama nenas yang cair, ataupun kulit ayam Hot & Spicy di KFC. Saiznya berbeza-beza; kadang-kadang kecil seperti coklat M&Ms, ataupun sebesar nugget ayam KFC yang berwarna hitam, dan kadang-kala besar, panjang dan keras seperti ular yang memakai baju kostum nenas dan ingin berparti. Umpama kuih cakar ayam. Sangat sukar untuk di sapu atas roti. Baunya biasanya bau celaka.
Tahi ular - tahi yang lembut, biasanya kecoklatan dan di gelar ular kerana ia panjang dan tidak putus-putus. Umpama peanut butter. Mudah di sapu di atas roti.
Tahi lembik - tahi yang hampir cirit, tetapi masih ada tekstur. Biasanya keluar daripada lubang buntut seakan-akan coklat Choki-Choki. Warnanya bergantung pada makanan yang telah di cerna. Tahi ini jika tersapu pada seluar, sukar untuk di cuci.
Tahi Cirit - tahi yang telah cair sepenuhnya. Keluar bagaikan milkshake (jika pekat) ataupun kuah kacang yang ingin di tuangkan ke atas sate. Warnanya boleh coklat, hitam, ataupun perang cair. Sangat mudah untuk di sapu di atas roti. Busuk.

Begitulah jenis-jenis berak dan tahi. Jika ada apa-apa ulasan, sila sertakan di bahagian komen-komen. Maafkan penulis jika ada salah-silap.

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When It Rains, It Pours

2010-11-15T21:16:00.001+08:00

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After months of sending out applications & waiting for replies, and several "thanks but no thanks" emails, last week I was called for an interview which had positive prospects.

Very positive prospects, as it turned out.

I've accepted a new job offer.

And I'm not turning back. The Joker said it best:

"It's not about money... It's about sending a message. Everything burns."

Wish me luck.

p/s: I think there's been a somebody who's been ratting about stuff on my Facebook profile to a certain someone that I don't want for it to know about my online going ons.

Fuck you.

Please Cepat

2010-11-10T10:24:00.003+08:00

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As of today, I have been a member of staff at my current workplace for exactly 1 year, 3 months, 1 week and 2 days.

It's been a really interesting time for me. All the cliches are present and accounted for: ups, downs, highs and lows. I've learned, I've lost. I've discovered new things, re-learned old things.

But enough of here.

I want a new place to work.

--

Macaron Hunt: Nathalie's Gourmet Studio

2010-10-30T23:39:00.006+08:00

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Hello again!

In a previous post, I mentioned how I was going to go on a macaron hunt. And the hunt is officially on. The first place I had the chance to go to was Nathalie's Gourmet Studio.

Apparently it's a place to dine AND learn cooking, and it's run by a Chef Nathalie, who runs cooking classes and also serves meals at this very pretty looking place in Solaris Dutamas.

But that's a story for another day. I came here because they had MACARONS.

According to this image I found on Google Image Search, a perfect macaron is like this:

The macarons from NGS came in a lot of different flavors. From the run of the mill vanilla, chocolate and strawberry, they also had pistachio, lime, lemon etc. Brush up on your French though because that's how they list down the flavors. I definitely needed to ask plenty of times what was what.

But boy were they delicious. Deceptively light, with thin shells and creamy, sweet interiors. The flavors were nice too. Lime, orange and raspberry were wonderful. All of them were, in fact.

So a good start to my macaron hunt? Definitely. But the macarons at NGS run ar RM4.40 a piece, which is very expensive in my book. A box of 15 macarons cost me RM66.

On to the next macaron shop!

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This WILL Hurt When It Hits

2010-10-25T22:30:00.005+08:00

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I love toys. Always have, and you may have read the reason why. Hence, sometimes when I have the means, I'll indulge in this childhood past-time, just for the sake of it. Maybe I'll get a robot. Maybe an action figure. Or a scale model.

Or a gun that can rain pain on unsuspecting bystanders.

A few months back I walked into Toys'R'Us at KLCC and stumbled upon the NERF section. I was always impressed with their guns when I was younger, but I've never purchased any of them. So I browsed around. Then I stumbled upon this:

Nerf Longshot CS-6, also known as 'How To Annoy People and Animals With Foam Darts'

That's a fakking sniper rifle. How come they never had these when I was younger? It's even based on an actual sniper rifle. Argh.

Anyway, it was priced at what I thought was a steal for such a toy. So of course I bought it, and proceeded to wreak havoc on various targets at home, including cats, lizards, static objects and my mom, who was watching the television.

Mom was not amused at being shot at

But despite the obvious fun of doing target practice, there was this faint unsatisfying feeling. Sure, in the right conditions, the darts flew the claimed 30 feet or so. But the darts were foam. When they hit, it felt like... well, nothing.

So it was an awesome looking rifle (which will be awesome-er when I paint it matt black) but it couldn't bring the pain.

Fast forward to now. I have this:

Ingram MAC 11. No relation to James Ingram, nor to Apple Macintosh

A MAC 11. Not the real one (unfortunately) but as damn close to it as possible. It's a Tokyo Marui electric powered BB gun. And according to a 'test subject', this one brings the pain.

Box text translation: GOOD FIRE BANG BANG HURT BALLS BIG PAIN

It has blowback, which makes it feel like a real gun. It can fire on full-auto or semi-auto. It's range is 25 meters. It runs on AAA batteries, and it fires those plastic BB pellets.

Extra bag of pellets and batteries. Energizer FTW!

This will punch holes through paper and cardboard. It'll blind you and leave painful, stinging welts on your skin.

I love it.

Ignore the fact I have hairy fore-arms

Legality? Well apparently, as long as it's not a full scale model (mine is 3/4 scale), and you don't take it out of the house or anything, then it's fine.

My balcony at the upper floor living area overlooks the pedestrian walkway. I've never liked the way kids cycle noisily in the evenings, or those bunch of Indon maids loitering at the corner....

Expect to see more of these around the house

>;D

MES Chef Quest: Macarons

2010-10-20T23:14:00.004+08:00

---

I have this intense craving for macarons.

No, I didn't misspell that. I do mean macarons, not macaroons.

Anyway, after asking around on Facebook (thanks Dewi, Aneesa and Sha!), I now know of three places where I can get macarons, for various prices. I also found a place in Solaris Dutamas.

So next, I'm going to venture out to these shops and buy me a few (or more, you know...) and compare the macarons from these different places.

But I won't stop there: after sampling the macarons, I wanna have a go at it myself. And THEN I'll see how it compares.

Muhammad Edwan VS Macarons of Klang Valley starts now. Wish me luck though as I'm absolutely terrible at making confectionery and pastries and desserts.

And as a side note, expect to see more of these 'chef quests'.

>:)

Ujian Bahagian Cilake

2010-10-19T21:47:00.003+08:00

When I was in London a few years back, I made the mistake of letting my 'P' license die off without renewing it, even when I came back.

So when I came back for good mid-last year, I had to appeal to JPJ to get my license renewed... and was told I needed to sit for the Ujian Bahagian II and III, which was the slope, 3-point turn and parallel parking as well as the on the road driving test. I was exempted for the other shit, though I have to say I've been driving around with only an 'L' license mwahaha.

After melengah-lengah for MORE THAN A YEAR I finally went and sat for my Ujian Bahagian II and III today.

Needless to say, I aced it. I did the slope, 3-point turn and parallel parking cepat-cepat, but the best part was my on the road test.

The JPJ officer and I were talking all the time, and he only took my score-list at the end of the session.

"Hmm," he said, "What eh to put? Simply pass la eh."

Of course.

"Oh," he continued, "But I can't give you 20/20, so I'll put down one mistake here, ok? Thanks and tahniah. Drive safe."

Now I have my license again. What sucks though, is it's gonna be a P. But hey whatever whattafak.

Back! For Good

2010-10-18T00:11:00.001+08:00

I am back here at Incense+Peppermints, and the first statement I'd like to make is this:

I WANT A NEW JOB

30 Things Edwan Likes

2009-08-23T13:55:00.002+08:00

--------

30 Things I DO Like:

Having a good night's sleep and waking up late; I'm not a morning person :)
Driving alone at night, with the radio on; I feel curiously peaceful when I do so.
Keeping my laptop clean (though haven't done so in awhile wtf)
Browsing, reading, and buying books. Booooookkkssssssss...
Brushing my teeth more than once a day; sampai darah-darah pun ada kadang-kadang mwahaha.
Ayam goreng kunyit yang terlebih goreng so it is keras and chewy sedikit, nyam nyam nyam.
Kuala Lumpur; I have yet to explore its every nook and cranny, but dammit, its the most beautiful, complex and treasure-ridden city in the world.
Toys; I love toys and would ALWAYS walk into a toy shop when I see one. Nak buat collection okayy. Robots, Dolls, Action Figures etc.
GADGETS and consumer electronics, even if currently I have nothing to buy :P
Having a cup of hot drink (Milo, coffee, tea etc.) when its raining and sitting by the window to drink...
... And in general, I like it when it rains, especially in the mornings.. :)
People who do have civic awareness; the rare breed of Malaysian who will hold open doors, give a seat to someone who needs it more, etc.
People with a good sense of humor and are not so easily shocked, and don't go "OMG WHAT DID YOU SAY" at every joke.
Malaysian girls; I have got to say we have the most beautiful girls in the world :D
Chocolate and most things related to chocolate.. mmmmmmm.....~
Writing stories, though I haven't had the time to do so lately, demmit
Buying pens and pencils...
... and not letting anyone touch them ahahaha.
Sambal Ikan Bilis dengan Kentang yang pedas..
... and on a related note, Sambal Belachan yang pedas FTW!
The Nissan GTR
Snakes and small animals in general :D
Levi's apparel, though dah lama tak beli jeans or stuff from Levi's :-/
When people compliment my stories and link my stories at their blog, if they have one; thank you very much.
Having hallucinations or letting my imagination run wild... *drifts off*
Schadenfreude :D even if it is mean hahahaha.
Taking pictures, something which, again, I don't have much time for right now.
Talking, laughing and reminiscing with friends :)
When I'm able to impart knowledge or at least help someone with something useful.. :)
Serendipity (not the movie btw)

Okay apparently I can only list down 30 things I like as opposed to 50 things I don't like. Does this make me a hateful person?

I don't care..

:P

- Muhammad Edwan Shaharir

50 Things Muhammad Edwan Does NOT Like:

2009-08-18T20:29:00.007+08:00

----

50 Things Edwan Does NOT Like:

Cockroaches. Fuck cockroaches.
Bears. All kinds of bears.
Ikan Masak Tiga Rasa
Mayonnaise mixed with chili sauce...
... which means I HATE Melawati Kebab.....
.... and gerai-gerai Ramly burger that STILL puts that combination even though I said NOT to.
Overtly modified Protons & Peroduas... lagi-lagi yang taknak mengaku kereta nasional and seboleh-boleh nak tukar jadi Mitsubishi or Daihatsu etc. wtf.
Idiot drivers, which unfortunately constitute roughly 40% of Malaysians on the road.
People on motorbikes that seem to think we are always aware of where they are on the road. Hello saya takde pemandangan 360-darjah, dan saya tak mahu kotorkan kereta putih saya dengan cebisan daging dan percikan darah anda.
Waiters that ask "Nak minum/makan apa?" even though I just took a seat THREE SECONDS earlier.
And waiters who get my orders wrong more than once, wtf.
Dogs in general, though I can make exceptions.. admittedly very few.
Makcik-makcik know-it-all who think that they are always right, when in actual fact they are almost always wrong.
'Profesor' (what a joke) A. Razak Mohaideen and the fucked up trash he calls his 'movies'.
Harian Metro & Mastika, which should be labelled as 'pulp' and can't go a day or a month without publishing something related to 'seks'.
Bloggers who think they write 'deep, thoughtful poetry/words', but are actually meaningless drivel. Case in point, this guy.
Cempedak; I just don't like it, just because.
Fuckin lorries and buses that like to use the middle or right lane on highways, and also follow my car wayyy too closely.
When I open a packet of nasi lemak to find too little ikan bilis goreng inside, hurhhh.
Slow service at fast food joints; usually KFC; excuse me if I wanted slow food I would have gone to a proper restaurant, hurhh.
Lady Gaga, even if her songs are super difficult to get unstuck from the head, fakkk.
People who force me to do things I don't want to do, for example, ride a roller-coaster. NO, I WILL NOT RIDE THE ROLLER COASTER, NO, IT WILL NOT BE "ALA BEST LA SERIOUSLY" FOR ME.
Anonymous commenters at the blogs I have; if you have something to say, leave a name or email, if not don't say anything at all. What in God's given world are you trying to hide?
When I'm driving somewhere and ONLY then terasa nak berak; masa kat rumah elok2 takde pulak rasa nak berak wtf.
When I make an intelligent/subtle joke or a joke that requires some degree of brain-power, only to realize that the people I tell it too didn't get the joke because of the lack of aforementioned quality.
Also people who laugh at some of the jokes I make even if they didn't get it, but they laugh anyway so they don't feel left out.
People stealing my ideas.
People touching my pens or pencils without permission. I dunno why I'm very pantang about this.
Sambal Belachan yang tak pedas; if its not pedas, then please don't waste time making it.
Parking lots that are confusing, for example, KLCC Suria Parking. Why can't all parking lots be like the one at Ikano Power Center?
Drivers that take TWO parking spots at the same time, fucking idiots.
Parking lots that don't have a cap on maximum payment; no one should pay more than RM10 to park, even if its for hours.
People with bad BO; you smell like a wet monkey; would you like to be shot down like one?
SPCA
Environmentalists and Global-Warming Evangelists; fine if you believe it, just don't try to convince ME to follow your beliefs.
Tandas cangkung in public toilets, because its such a hassle if you need to take a shit.
Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus. I think they suck.
People who desperately try to find the most obscure artist they can find so they can be seen as 'indie', even if they don't really listen to the music.
the Apple iPhone...
...and also archaic and slow computers.
When I order a steak say, medium, and it comes well-done. When I return it, it still comes well-done. wtf?
People who cut in on the left or cut queues during traffic jams; don't you realize that you are NOT helping the situation at all you idiots?
People who insist on lining up in groups of more than two people when buying movie tickets.
People who put their feet up on the seat-backs in front of them in the cinema; taki kira la seat kosong or not, I just think that's rude.
People who don't have civic decency to hold open an elevator door, or give a seat to someone who needs it more, or wait until passengers get down first on public transport.
Anwar Ibrahim, and even more so the people who think he is the savior of Malaysia. He's not. If he was, he would have been leading us a loooooooong time ago, wouldn't you think?
When the SMART-Tag lane is congested, wtf.
Indecision. It kills me.
Waiting aimlessly, or plain and simple, waiting. I hate waiting, though I'm very good at it.
Finally, I don't like that it's very difficult for me to express anger.

I think there are plenty of other things I don't like or even hate. But fifty will do for now. FOR NOW.

I don't mean to offend anyone with this; these are things I don't like. Yang SAYA tak suka.

Muhammad Edwan Shaharir

(post will be followed with 50 things I like, soon)

On Writing

2009-08-15T20:46:00.003+08:00

------

I think I haven't written a story in a long time. The recent 'TWAAY' post was a... uhm, a one-off, I suppose.

But I miss writing stories, and recently my mind has been saturated with ideas and story-lines and plots. Unfortunately, I don't have much time to write stories nowadays. Even with the influx of ideas, I can't seem to find a right time - and mood- to write stories.

But I'm still very much in love with the idea of being a writer; however, like I said, so many things to write about (good or bad, I dunno) but so little time.

Few weeks back I re-opened 'Kenanga', and over there you'll find the first five or six chapters. I said before that 'Kenanga' is a much bigger story than I had anticipated, so I decided to confine it to writing and writing only, i.e I will write it, but I won't be publishing it like I did with 'Talking With An Alternate You'. But again, project 'Kenanga' has been put on hold due to lack of time. So it probably won't see the light of day anytime soon. Many apologies. But feedback on 'Kenanga' has been encouraging, so thanks.

'Beyond Good & Evil' has also been rather quiet of late, for the same reason mentioned above. But I don't worry so much about it since it's not a continuous story.

On a more cheery note, I'm very happy to see that 'Talking With An Alternate You' still gets visitors daily, and it's still being linked from other blogs, sometimes from people I don't know at all, but that's great. Maybe I'll never be able to run away from TWAAY, haha.

Despite all this lack of time, I think I have to start writing stories again, if only to keep my.. uh, pembinaan ayat sharp. Haha. I was thinking to do something lighter in tone. A fresh romance maybe?

Back in 2003 I think I wrote this short serial (in a battered notebook) that I called 'Sebuah Diari Putih, Sehelai Riben Biru'. It revolved around the life of a college student named Diana, who one day woke up to find that she had lost her precious diary. At the same time, a college guy named... okay tak ingat what his name was, but this guy found the diary on his motorcycle seat and took it home.

Out of curiosity he flipped through, found himself charmed and decided to write something in it; he then placed the diary back on his motorcycle seat the next day in hopes that Diana would find it, and of course, she retraced her steps back to the motorcycle and reclaimed her diary. She found the small passage written by the guy, and decided to play along, and the story then went on how the both of them begin to write passages for each other in an attempt to get to know each other better; they began to leave the diary in 'drop places' that only they would find, and they promised that they wouldn't spy on the drop point.

The catch is that the two of them ALWAYS bumps or runs into each other, and both of them would be unaware that they've been exchanging notes all along.... and the story went on.

Okay, sue me, it's cliched, it's probably been done before (You Got Mail ring a bell?). But I thought it was fun to write about, and like TWAAY, I placed the setting in familiar places around the Klang Valley, so maybe it was easier to picture the scenes.

So key questions:

Would you like something that is lighter in tone as compared to TWAAY?

------

Why I Don't Like [insert subject]

2009-07-11T22:56:00.002+08:00

disclaimer:
post below isn't meant as a bash to others. they're MY opinions.

-------

Ikan Masak Tiga Rasa

You see it so often being featured as a 'special' dish. You go to a (often Malay) seafood restaurant and ask "What's a nice way to cook the fish?" and your server will say "Tiga Rasa".

Maybe it's just me. But I fail to see how the superb taste of a fresh Siakap or even better, Garoupa or Snapper, could possibly be 'enhanced' by the soury-sweetish concoction that is the Tiga Rasa dish.

Fresh fish is always best served in the simplest way possible. To me, cooking a fish 'Tiga Rasa' overwhelms the delicate and naturally sweet flavor of a fresh fish. I'm not saying it's wrong to like the dish, but seriously, fresh fish is best cooked simply.

I would never order my fish 'Tiga Rasa'. No, no, no. Make mine simply deep fried or steamed, placed on a platter with a liberal sprinkling of soy sauce, garlic and ginger.

Trust me, your taste-buds will thank you.

---------------

Modded Local Cars

Yes, I know people have aspirations to own a turbocharged Japanese road-rocket, or a classy European car. But I just don't see the appeal of trying to change a Proton or a Perodua into an EVO or a 'Boon' or putting on a 'BMW bodykit'.

If it was up to me, I'd save the money used for the mods, work a little harder, and get me the real-thing. But of course, that is, if it was me. Our roads are polluted with eyesores such as a 'Waja EVO' or a 'Myvi TRD'. And when I mean 'eyesore', I really mean 'eyesore'.

And the thing is, these cars are usually a reflection of the owner. There are always exceptions of course, but most drivers of modded Protons or Peroduas I see are..... uhm, well let's just say they often look like jackasses.

Sure, throw me power figures or 0-100km/h times for your modded Protons and Peroduas, but the end fact is still that you don't have the real thing. And until you do, you'll be bleeding money just to play catch up to a genuine Mitsubishi Evolution.

Money you could have saved up to get the real thing, maybe.

-------------------

Filling Forms and Giving Copies of Documents

I'm applying for, say, a bank account. Or a job. So I fill in a form and jot down the usual details: name, address, phone number, e-mail. Then I get to race and religion and etc.

Okay, maybe there is a valid reason I don't know of behind the rationale of putting down your race, religion etc. I'm guessing it has something to do with statistics.

But at the same time, I often wonder: what in the world could my personal beliefs or hobbies or my ethnicity have to do with a bank account or job application? How could that information be useful, if ever? Same goes for requests of copies of birth certificates. Why do a lot of organizations ask for copies of birth certs? Is it to verify that, yes, indeed, this person was born here and then.

Wouldn't it be easier if everything was based on the MyKad?

---------------

Those Kids That Sell 'Memory Raisins'

The raisins probably are good for you, as advertised.

What I don't like is the angle they're using to sell them; they know that a lot of Malaysians swoon and go misty-eyed at the mention of anything 'Arabic', so they slap an 'Al-_____' name on the raisins and then ask kids to sell them at shopping malls at any given time of say.

I was having dinner at Pizza Hut once, it was about 2200hrs on a Sunday night, and this sad-faced urchin came to my table, selling these raisins. I declined him, then watched as a family nearby paid him a red-colored note for a few packs of raisins. So I called the little kid back to my table.

"How old are you?" I said.

"Nine," he answered.

"Are you in school? Do you have school tomorrow?"

Nods.

"Where are your parents?" I asked him.

"They're waiting in the car outside," he said.

"So your parents asked you to walk around here selling raisins? And they're waiting in the car?"

The kid nods, and I said thanks and dismissed him. It made me wonder.

See, when the kid told me that his parents were 'outside, in a car', I felt disgusted. How could you ask your own nine-year-old kid to walk around a shopping mall at 2200hrs on a Sunday night when he has school the next day? Isn't that forced labor or child labor or something? Why couldn't the parents have done it? And the fact that the kid was dressed in a ketayap and Baju Melayu (again, the 'suci' angle) turned me off even more.

The thing is, by employing children to sell these raisins, these people are preying on human sympathy. I'm pretty sure that the majority of the sales these kids do is because the buyer felt "kesian, budak-budak jual kismis".

Call me cold-blooded for not buying raisins from these kids. But I think if your raisins truly work wonders, you would have set up shop and used the strength of your product to generate sales.

Not use pathetic kids who walk around at night and hang around mall entrances.

That's just pitiful. That's exploitation.

-------------------

Again, 'Emo Bodoh'

I hope all these 'emo' kids who are constantly lonely, depressed, angry at the world etc. would realize that it's not the world that is being cruel to them.

It is them who are being

If you're any of the above, do something about it. If you're unhappy or something then go look for happiness rather than wallow and drown in the muck that is your self-pity.

If you choose not to do something about your current predicament, then at least shut the fuck up about it.

-------------------

The Super Awesome Mega Cool Slow Cooked Full Of Edwanization Goodness Beef Stew

2009-04-14T02:39:00.006+08:00

---

Hello.

A friend of mine, Miss Fehy Meyh, showed me her (ad hoc?) recipe to make an awesome sounding vegetable & pasta soup; after reading that up, I sort of felt I wanted to make something like that as well; a soup or stew! Something you can eat while watching TV and curled up in a blanket.

Comfort food la, senang cerita. So today I went out to get ingredients for 'THE SUPER AWESOME MEGA-COOL SLOW COOKED FULL OF EDWANIZATION GOODNESS BEEF STEW'.

So, come, let's cook. You will need:

Onions; I used red, but white is okay. Slice them.

Carrots. Cut them into bite size chunks.

Mushrooms, cut into chunks also. I know, got sliced kat situ, but that was a mistake. And use fresh mushrooms please ok thank you.

Beef; cut into roughly 1in x 1in cubes. If you don't wanna use beef that's fine. Substitute with horse, rhinoceros, lion, bear, otter and seal or whatever tickles your fancy.

Other stuff you'll need:
Water, Salt, Pepper, Tomato Paste, Thyme, Rosemary, Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce, Honey

Okay, so come let's cook. First up we want to seal the beef, so place a deep pan on high heat. Get the pan smoking hot; as really smoking hot, sampai berasap-asap and rasa macam Shaitan tengah bersin.

Season the beef cubes. When the pan is hot enough, drizzle some oil and add the beef in batches. Stir around so the meat becomes a nice brown in color, and take it out. Like this:

Now in the same pan, add the onions and carrots. Stir around until the onions are a bit soft. Got that? Okay, when the onions are soft, add in about two tablespoons of tomato puree/paste and stir around. Add in roughly two tablespoons of honey as well. Kacau-kacau.

Next up dump in about two and a half tablespoons of all purpose flour. Stir the stuff in the pan evenly on high heat until the the onions get a bit brown and the flour is incorporated. This takes about 2 minutes je pun.

Now add the beef back into the pan and mix well. Next up, add water into the pan until it just about covers the solid ingredients.

Splash in the Worcestershire Sauce. Add the herbs; I only had dried, but use fresh if you could get it! It'll taste a lot better if you use fresh.

Now here's the important part; reduce the heat to the second lowest setting and leave it to cook for at least 90 MINUTES; 120 is best!.

Why low heat for at least 90 minutes? Here is why, taken from The Paupered Chef:

Connective tissue must hit 160-180 degrees before they dissolve into gelatin, when the meat is suddenly succulent
The only problem is that muscle fibers (the actual meat) lose their juices and dry out before then, between 140-150 degrees...

So the solution is to cook it at a relatively low temperature, which helps keep the meat moist, but for a longer period of time, which allows the connective tissue between the muscle fibers to dissolve!

:D

So leave the pan on the stove on low heat; check only to stir once in a while and adjust seasoning if needed. I left mine for about 1 3/4 hours. All the while I tahan lapar okay? Hurhh. But anywaysss, at the end of a roughly two and a half hour cooking session, I got:

RESULT!. I have to say this is one of my best 'creations' yets; the broth was nice and syrupy, with a hint of sweetness but spicy overall from the pepper and herbs. The carrots were wonderfully soft but not mushy, and the mushrooms still had a springiness when I bit in. I mopped up the sauce with toasted baguette, which went awesome with it.

But best of all? The beef was MELT IN THE MOUTH TENDER AND JUICY. It almost crumbled in the mouth and I could taste the daging-ness of it.

Success!

'THE SUPER AWESOME MEGA-COOL SLOW COOKED BEEF STEW FULL OF EDWANIZATION GOODNESS' rocks!

:D:D:D

- Muhammad Edwan Shaharir

p/s: if you're here, thanks for reading my unnecessarily 'talky' recipe yang banyak membebel. woot!

---------

An Attempt To Kick Colonel Sander's Testicles.

2009-04-01T20:21:00.007+08:00

-------

Hello.

I tend to get fried chicken cravings. Seriously, I do. So I was browsing around the net when I came upon this recipe for The Ultimate Fried Chicken (I think it was a Tyler Florence recipe), thought that it seemed nice enough and so decided to make my own.

I wanted to give Colonel Sanders a kick in the nuts, so to speak. At least, that was my intent lah. So on we go!

So you need:

Okay first you need a good knife for what I'm about to do. Preferably a long slender flexible one. The knife you see in the picture is a Japanese fillet knife. It's not ideal, but it works. Make sure it's sharp.

Chicken drumsticks. You can use any part, but I wanted drumsticks.

These stuff: flour, oil, garlic, cayenne powder, rosemary, thyme, sage, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, salt, pepper, Tabasco sauce, buttermilk.

I'm not following the recipe exactly here. Because:

I couldn't get fresh herbs in the quantity I wanted; the original recipe called for the fresh herbs to be infused in the oil. But since I'm using dried, I'm incorporating it in the flour.
The Tabasco sauce I'm using isn't the regular kind, but Habanero, which is hotter.
I'm going to de-bone my chicken.

Okay enough of that. Let's debone the chicken. A word of caution: if you're not good at handling knives, forget this, just skip the de-boning process.

You start by making a cut parallel to the bone; cut into the meat until you can see the bone. Once the bone is exposed, start cutting off the meat. Use straight, steady strokes.

See what I mean? The meat along the bone is easy enough; it should just tear away. Use short, steady cuts on top of the drumstick to separate the meat from the joint end. Once the top part is cut away, the meat can just be pulled back/scraped away from the bone.

Like that. Next up, use the back of the knife and break the bone near the ankle joint. Scrape away stray pieces of bone shrapnel. Incidentally, this is how your run-of-the-mill chicken chop is prepared.

And there you go, deboned chicken drumsticks. If you're making chicken stock (highly unlikely haha) keep the bones. If not, buang sudah. Wash the drumsticks and remove any excess fat or smashed bone pieces. Next step is brining. Fill up a bowl with water and sprinkle about a tablespoon or so of salt in it.

Now cover the bowl and leave it in the fridge for 2 hours. Okay, just assume 2 hours have passed. Drain the water and pat the chickens dry. Next up is dredging and frying.

In a bowl, put about 2 cups of flour; add in the spices and herbs listed above, about 2 tablespoons each, and an appropriate amount of salt. Mix well eh.

In another bowl, pour in the buttermilk and add 2 tablespoons of Tabasco sauce. Mix well. I don't know if you can get buttermilk in Malaysia, but I think maybe Cold Storage would have it. If not, susu biasa also okay.

Meanwhile pour sufficient oil in a pan and set to medium-heat. Cut a garlic bulb in half and chuck it in the oil. Let it heat; the garlic will infuse the oil. It smells fantastic by the way, haha. So now it's dredging time.

You need both hands for this step: keep one dry and one wet:

Chuck the chicken in the flour. Using the DRY HAND, coat the chicken evenly; take out and dust off excess flour.
Now put chicken in the buttermilk mixture. Using WET HAND, baste the chicken in liquid; take out and drain excess liquid. Chuck it back in the flour.
With DRY HAND, coat the chicken in a second layer of flour.
Leave on a wire rack for a few minutes.

If you fail to see the logic in having one dry and one wet hand, it's this: if you use just one hand to do this, you'll end up making the flour wet. Wet flour = cucur. Are you making cucur? Tak kan?

And here's my chicken pieces already dredged and ready for the fryer. Check the oil; the garlic should have cooked by now; take most of it out, if not it'll burn. I turned the heat on high (something I'd regret), but you should have it on medium-high.

The oil should be hot enough, but not smoking. Place the chicken in the oil, in batches. Don't overcrowd the pan.

I wish you were here; at this point it smells amazing. Hahaha.

Fry the chicken for about 10 - 15 minutes, turning regularly. It should be golden brown. With a good enough stove, the chicken should be cooked through; Crunchy outside, moist and tender inside. Which brings me to my results:

Ta daa. To be honest it looks like crap. I'll blame this on:

Electric hob/stove. It's ridiculously difficult to control the heat on these without taking the pan off the burner.
My pan got too hot on the bottom, burning some of the crust off.
I think something must have gone wrong in the dredging process; the coating fell off. BUT this is most likely due to a temperature problem.
General error in production. Humph.

Taste? It was good actually, but I suspect it'll be even better with fresh herbs... and if it was cooked in a nicer way. As it is, I slightly burned parts of the crust. The crust was nicely tasty, although maybe it could have used a bit more salt. The meat was moist and tender; But I think using deboned drumsticks was a mistake because it's a tough cut of meat. Maybe I shouldn't have deboned them.

It's recommended that this is served cold or cooled. The flavors would blend better by then.

So will I do this again? Maybe. But I'll wait til I have a gas stove. Until then, Colonel Sanders won't get that kick in the nuts.

Unfortunately.

- Muhammad Edwan Shaharir.

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I Want To Be A Writer, Can Or Not?

2009-03-27T14:30:00.002+08:00

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I want to be a writer. I want to see my stories published, specifically 'Beyond Good & Evil', because I think it has more potential compared to 'Talking With An Alternate You'. Besides, 'TWaAY' needs a lot of polish before it's ready.

'BG&E' on the other hand, I think, has that mix of macabre that would go down well with readers. Sadly it's the lesser known of my story blogs.

I want my stories published. I want them to make me money, hahaha. I'm kinda thankful my Bonda supports the idea, and Ayahanda, in fact, read BG&E and liked it.

But most importantly, I want them published because then it would vindicate and validate why I write stories. I want them to bear fruit. It would mean a lot to me to see my name in print for sale at an MPH store or something.

It's going to be a tough cookie to crack, I guess. But I want to do this. Wish me luck.

If you've read my stories and like them, please link them back yeah? I could use the exposure. The more people read it... well, you do the math. In the meantime, re-promote:

Beyond Good & Evil is a collection of stories that centre around the macabre and the unknowns. Think of it as 'Twilight Zone' or 'Tales From The Crypt' and you won't be far off. There's a bunch of stories there now. go check them out: www.edwanization.blogspot.com

Talking With An Alternate You is a series of stories about being in love, I guess. It's at: www.alternateyou.blogspot.com

I want to be writer. Oh yeah!

:)

Kadang-kala Saya Rasa Umur Saya 10 Tahun

2009-03-15T07:58:00.006+08:00

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Hello.

Saya telah membaca satu post oleh Ms. Namie Haniffah di mana dia telah sebut tentang patung Barbie. Lantas saya meninggalkan komen padanya bahawa bila tibanya hari saya ada duit, saya mahu tubuhkan koleksi alat mainan dan ya, patung Barbie juga akan menjadi sebahagian daripada koleksi itu.

Patung Barbie yang popular

Kadang-kala saya rasa saya patut kekal pada umur 10 tahun, dan bukan 23. Ini kerana bila saya lihat alat-alat mainan masa kini, saya berasa kagum dan sering terfikir: "Bestnya kalau masa saya kecil ada mainan ini; tentu saya sudah minta Ibu atau Ayah saya belikan (walaupun tiada jaminan akan dapat)".

Saya suka alat permainan. Saya tak tahu kenapa. Mungkin alat-alat mainan memperingatkan saya tentang satu zaman di mana saya tak perlu risau tentang pelajaran atau wang atau kerja. Alat-alat mainan sungguh simbolik dengan zaman di mana, walaupun saya tembam (lebih tembam, berbanding sekarang -__-"), kurang pandai, suara kecik dan kurang cool berbanding sekarang, saya tetap bahagia.

kereta mainan skala kecil daripada Tomica; comel bukan?

Dan alat-alat permainan telah memainkan peranan yang, bagi saya, penting ketika zaman itu. Saya rasa alat permainan boleh membantu memperkaya minda; hey, ia buat anda berfikir, bukan? Saya yakin. Sering saya teringat saat-saat bila saya berasa bosan dan tiada apa lain untuk di buat: pastinya saya akan menggeledah kotak permainan, mencari 'rakan-rakan'.

Berbagai-bagai senario telah saya 'lakonkan' dengan alat-alat mainan saya. Saya tak kisah kalau Batman takkan berjumpa dengan Dinosaur ataupun Transformers takkan bergaduh dengan Hamburglar daripada Happy Meal McDonalds. Di dunia permainan, semuanya mungkin. Dan jika kena pada masanya, kadangkala saya akan menghabiskan masa berjam-jam, 'sesat' dalam dunia ciptaan saya sendiri. Di dunia itu, tiada apa yang boleh menghalang saya. Tiada apa yang mustahil.

Mungkin sekarang anda sangka saya hanya banyak main permainan saja; tetapi jika benar anda bersangka begitu, anda silap. Saya banyak juga membaca buku cerita, buku fakta, menonton televisyen dan aktiviti-aktiviti lain. Tetapi sekarang, bila umur saya 23 tahun, saya rasa saya akan paling ingat alat-alat permainan saya.

Patung seperti inilah yang Auntie saya belikan untuk saya pada tahun 1993 dulu :)

Saya akan sentiasa ingat kali pertama saya mendapat hadiah alat mainan dinosaur 'Tyrannosaurus Rex' 'Jurassic Park' ketika filem itu sedang hangat di box-office. Sungguh seronok! Lagi-lagi kerana ketika itu permainan itu sukar di jumpai di Malaysia; Auntie saya telah membelinya di Hong Kong ketika beliau out-station di sana. Dan saya akan ingat berbagai-bagai watak Batman, Spider-man, Transformers dan lain-lain kartun dalam tangan saya. Dan saya akan kenangi sampai bila-bila saat-saat saya 'memandu' kereta-kereta mewah di keliling bukit dan jalanraya bilik dan ruang tamu saya; kereta-kereta yang mungkin saya takkan mampu beli dalam realiti.

Tahun ini, 2009, saya akan berusia 23 tahun. Saya masih bermimpi untuk ada koleksi alat permainan. Insyaallah, saya akan dedikasikan satu kabinet, atau, jika saya berkemampuan, satu bilik khas untuk koleksi alat-alat permainan saya, satu hari nanti. Sekarang saya baru ada segenggam alat permainan: robot Tranformers, dan model besi jet pejuang, sebagai contoh. Tetapi insyaallah saya mahu jadikan ini hobi. Mana tahu? Mungkin ia akan mendatangkan keuntungan satu hari nanti. Alat permainan 'Optimus Prime' yang edisi pertama boleh mencapai harga ribuan ringgit.

Starscream, watak dari Transformers; keluaran Revoltech, sebahagian daripada koleksi kecil saya sekarang

Setiap kali saya pergi ke mana-mana pusat membeli belah yang punya kedai alat permainan, saya pasti akan masuk untuk lihat. Biasanya ada kanak-kanak yang menangis kerana ibu dan bapanya enggan membelikan alat permainan yang di idamkan. Saya berasa simpati, kerana saya juga pernah lalui situasi sebegitu. Tetapi saya juga telah belajar untuk menerima hakikat bukan kesemua kehendak boleh di tunaikan.

Kabinet pameran alat mainan untuk di jual di sebuah kedai di Jepun

Kini, yang paling saya rasa apabila saya menjejak kaki masuk ke dalam kedai alat permainan adalah suatu perasaan kekesalan dan kesedihan. Kesal kerana terfikir kenapa semasa saya kecil, tak ada alat-alat permainan yang begitu hebat. Sedih kerana saya akan teringat zaman kanak-kanak saya; kerana saya tahu saya takkan dapat mengembalikan masa silam itu, di mana saya carefree dan seronok bermain dengan permainan saya, tak kira samada bila berseorangan atau dengan kawan.

Zaman itu saya tidak ada komplikasi. Saya bahagia. Saya terasa bagaikan saya akan terus bermain di temani Dinosaur, Batman, Transformers dan lain-lain. Saya tidak pernah terfikir sekali pun yang saya akan membesar. Dalam otak setahun jagung saya, saya beranggapan zaman kanak-kanak akan kekal selamanya...

Meskipun saya berniat untuk mengumpul alat-alat permainan, termasuk anak-anak patung Barbie, saya rasa saya tidak akan bermain lagi dengan 'mereka'. Tetapi tak apa. Saya akan kumpul kerana ia adalah cebisan memori daripada saya masih kecil; suatu masa yang terlalu sekejap dan terlalu indah.

Kadang-kala kita terlalu sibuk dan tekun mengejar hari dewasa kita, sehingga kita lupa pada zaman kanak-kanak yang sangat berharga. Saya berdoa saya takkan lupa zaman-zaman itu. Dan saya harap jika saya terlupa pun, satu imbas pada koleksi alat permainan saya akan menyegarkan semula memori-memori itu.

Ia terlalu berharga untuk di telan zaman dan hari tua.

- Muhammad Edwan Shaharir

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Some People Are So Stupid They Cease Being Funny.

2009-03-05T07:45:00.005+08:00

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Hello.

There seems to be quite a lot of reports of late about people who have been photographed or recorded naked or engaging in sexual shenanigans. Like, every time I click open The Star's website there's be some sort of article where 'Nurse photographed nude' or 'Woman lodges police report regarding sex video' or something.

Of course there were also the very recent cases regarding Chua Soi Lek and that PKR Lady (who, in my opinion, is not worth seeking nudie pics for, haha..)

And the people in these videos or pictures are now lodging police reports, worried that they'd be blackmailed or threatened with exposure. Okay, fine. But I do wonder:

Why, for the love of God, did they let themselves be recorded in such manner in the first place?

I mean, seriously, are they that stupid?

Fine, they got randy and 'lost control', but they seem to be forgetting what I dub 'The Golden Rule Of Self Made Porn':

If you make your own porn,
IT WILL BECOME PUBLIC.

No amount of 'promise you'll keep it safe' or 'after you record this, delete okay?' deals you make will keep you safe. And with the rise of the internet, it's a safe bet that your porn adventures will probably last well into the year 2020.

The actress Wan NorAzlin and that Pramugara Terlampau guy are testament to this.

Seriously, I can't believe how dumb some people can get. Isn't it enough you're already bonking around? Why on earth must you record it? Lagi-lagi in our society. If you're a Westerner maybe you won't have as much to lose but hello, wake up call, you're NOT.

West is NOT THE SAME as East.

West =/= East

It was kinda amusing when the first home-made pr0n (as they say in LEETspeak) pictures or tapes of Malaysians burst on the scene; maybe because WOW MALAYSIANS BUAT BLUE SIOT but now it's like ngeeeehhhhhh old news.

I do have to say these local videos are great comedy though. Some are super funny. Sure, they're usually jerky and low-resolution, but there are truly hilarious ones out there if you know where to look.

If I mention 'PapaJahat' and you smirk or smile, you know what I'm talking about.

But seriously, these people are so dumb they cease being funny.

Or maybe they like being brief celebrities?

CLICK picture for bigger size of course.
if you don't get, it's your loss.

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Edwan Has An Idea, It Might Just Work

2009-02-24T23:57:00.004+08:00

---

I've had an epiphany.

It happened as I was writing my stories. I thought:

"Hang on: I write sort of well, and I'm studying as a chef. Why not combine the two and come up with a recipe book, with pictures? I can take pictures; heck, my best friend is a photographer. And knowing how Malaysians love recipe books and food, surely this isn't half bad an idea?"

I've been thinking about it for a few days now. A recipe book; a foodie book. If I do decide to write one, I want it to be in the style of a recipe book from Jamie Oliver, Nigella Lawson, or most tellingly, Tyler Florence.

I admire their recipe books because they're not just typical 'Recipe A, Picture A' books. Instead, they have anecdotes and very personal touches to the words, and as a result, their books are things you'd actually read rather than to just refer to.

Now I know for a fact that most recipe books usually end up as decoration: but I don't care. If I can write a book that is entertaining as well as potentially useful, that's already a win. And should I go on with this idea, maybe further down the line I'll write something about being a chef. You know, ala Anthony Bourdain's 'Kitchen Confidential'.

Another thing I would like to achieve is to remove the stereotype that if a man is a cook, he is effeminate like Chef Wan or Chef Ismail. Now, Chef Wan I tolerate because... well, because it's Chef Wan. But Chef Ismail? Ugh. People need to realize that effeminate male chefs are the minority.

I know I don't write much about food in this blog, mainly because I rarely ever write about my going-ons anyway. But trust me: I cook.

What do you think? Come on, I need to figure out a way to get rich. That Nissan GTR won't pay for it self, you know?

:)

Edwanisasi ROCKS.

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This Is Too Good To Be True

2009-02-13T13:41:00.006+08:00

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update:
link has been removed. if you missed it, sorry.

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Hello hello.

I've written about the kind of people I find annoying on Friendster. You know, those dumb emos, the 'lonely souls', the immature girls who look like tarts. But never would I have thought to actually find one so complete, it's almost a parody.

He goes by the name 'Catboyz91 3Meow'.

I actually tergelak, a LOT, looking at his profile. Unlike Kopi Sedap Wangi and Mr KeSePiAn LoNeLy, this guy is way too funny to rant over. Waaaaayyyyyy too funny. Therefore I'll just list down just what makes this dude funny.

The username: I guess he loves cats so much kot? But I'm unsure about the '3' in front of '3Meow'. Oh wait, I get it: Catboyz91 Meow Meow Meow? ;D

The shout-out: "Im The CatBoyz Dont FOrget Add me after u look This profile :D Remember "Have Potato,Have The Batas"XD buahahhahaha oooya my email babyboyz_jr@yahoo.com. Mysapce email same with Friendster meail tq" - ('Have Potato Have the Batas wtf hahaha :D and check out that email as well, haha. add him at Mysapce.com with the same Friendster meail! :D)

Apparently his occupation is 'Single Not Married Yet xD'. (I didn't know being married was a job! :D)

Hobbies are 'play game and chating [sic] at friendster com' :D

Favorite movies are 'Extream [sic] movies and 18 year up hahahhaa' (wtf hahaha)

He likes 'R&B and some song good for hear' (lagu ubat ke? :D)

Fav TV shows are 'The Contender Asia' (good) and 'all the best cartoon and anime' (ingat ok, the best saja :P)

The eye-searing, spasm inducing, epileptic fit causing .GIF images at his 'About Me' hahaha.

This is so honest that he gets an official pardon from being an enemy. >:)

MWAHAHA!

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They Are Watching Us

2009-02-09T14:15:00.007+08:00

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this is kinda curious; according to Feedjit down there, apparently someone in The United States Of America googled my name.

not just 'edwan' or 'muhammad edwan' mind you, but the full 'muhammad edwan shaharir'.

yea, the full 'muhammad edwan shaharir'. that was a surprise.

now i wonder who might that have been? an acquaintance? a friend? someone who actually knows me? this is sort of intriguing. the only American i know is a former workmate named Buffy; it could be her, but i can't see a reason why it would be.

the biggest possibility i could think of is because of one of my poems; 'The World's Most Beautiful' has been proliferating all over the net ever since i published it years ago.

of course it might not mean anything at all; maybe there's another person with the exact same name. but i seriously doubt that. i like to believe i'm the one and only Muhammad Edwan Shaharir.

...maybe Edwanization has reached the States?

:D

p/s:
feedjit also says most of you are on Firefox and XP, and a few Macs here and there. i'm kinda surprised to see MS Internet Explorer quite a lot as well. people! make the switch to Firefox!

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RANTS awal Februari

2009-02-06T07:54:00.007+08:00

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disclaimer: potentially offensive post below. if you read and terasa and want to comment, do so with a name and link. if you read but tak terasa, kudos to u.
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The Delayed Bad News

i think early last month i said i had some bad news. well hear it is: as of now i am officially jobless. haven't been working for about a month now.

"oh, you must have been a victim of the recession," you might have asked me. but surprisingly no. the restaurant i worked my ass off during the Xmas holiday period shut down because, get this, the frickin' landlord says he wants to build a hotel and needed us out. therefore ta daa, i have been made redundant, along with the rest of my workmates.

i'm still looking for a job, but for now not something masak-masak. penat la. i just want something to pass the time and provide me with some pocket money.

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The Fragrant and Delicious Coffee
the other day i had a friend request on Friendster. wah, dah lama tak ada friend request kat friendster. turned out, it was some Malaysian coffee with the brand 'SEDAP WANGI' using friendster to... to what, actually? raise brand awareness? marketing? i don't know.

what i do know is that it's the most unappealing coffee brand i've ever seen. i want to post a pic, but dah tak jumpa pula profile itu. anyway the packaging was a deep green, with a generic coffee cup with generic text saying 'SEDAP WANGI'. tak appealing langsung. langsungggg!

but i guess the thing that annoyed me the most about SEDAP WANGI (ya Allah such a generic and lame brand for a coffee) were the 'friends' it had added to its profile: these people are exactly the type of people who constitute 'Musuh Edwanisasi'. a lot of them were young malays with user names like 'AnG3|-L0V3' or 'CuTieZz^IrA', who come up with 'brilliant' comments like:

waah, kopi pun ada friendster, cayalah!
nak kopi ckit boleh x
wow kopi buat friendster!

i mean, wtf? are you so amused that a company who markets a generic coffee with the name SEDAP WANGI! makes a friendster profile? paling irritated tengok people who commented:

hi, thanks for the add
thanks for adding me, hehe, boleh la bagi kopi free

aaa.. whyyy? then ada this one guy posted a comment that made me cringe and puke at the same time. he went by the name 'Mr KeSePiAn', his shout-out says "i am so lonely" (tapi the profile picture is a self-taken one of him so handsomely looking at the camera with a shirt and tie and his best smile). 'Mr KeSePiAn' posts a comment in glittery .gif/.jpeg pictures that said:

thanks for the add!
nice to know u!
friendship is forever

wtfffff.. it's a coffee brand you idiot.

anyway i just had to leave a comment. i can't remember my exact words, but it went something like this:

oh wow, a coffee by the name of 'SEDAP WANGI', how imaginative. and you're using friendster! amazing marketing strategy. but what you'll do is SPAM me by the looks of it, so i am declining your 'friend' request. SEDAP WANGI? no thank you, i'm sticking to Nescafe.

needless to say, they did not approve that comment, hahaha. i'm sure if some of the 'friends' of sedap wangi ever read this post they would say that i'm being cocky and unsupportive of locally made products. but i say this:

until locally made products such as coffee are attractive enough and familiar enough and most importantly GOOD ENOUGH, i'll stick to the brands i'm familiar with. it's a trust thing, you see.

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My Friend's Enemy

the other day my friend showed me an acquantaince of his from his university. he said he disdained the guy, and i could see why. he was the kind of guy who, to my impression, is:

perasan hensem tapi tak
poyo anjing with couture, thinks he's stylish
thinks he's better than everyone else, masks humility but secretly up-stuck, overcompensates with money.
probably sexist, but maybe also a closet homosexual, and overcompensates.

why i say this? the following are the deductions i've made, that relates to the above:

he styles his hair in a certain, somewhat 'jambu' way, and poses in cameras standing 'cool' with wide smiles, BUT: his hair is off-putting, his nose is like a banana, his teeth are stained and crooked, his face acne scarred, his hips are wide (seriously, like a woman's).
apparently he likes to parade his clothes that he bought from Zara; he likes to mention 'jacket Zara' and 'seluar Zara' and 'sweater Zara' and 'sunnies Zara'. wow-wee, ZARA! he even mentions in a tag that 'last month i spent RM800 -RM900 on clothes'. DEWA COUTURE COMING THROUGH EXCUSE ME!
in the same tag, he says 'i dont know why people like my cheesecake'; ecehh konon rendah diri, but that statement comes off as berlagak tapi konon taknak tunjuk. fakov, cheesecake? child's play. he also says 'i think i am a good photographer because a lot of people comment on my photos and use my photos as wallpaper/profile pics'. i'm not the best photog myself, but his photos are NOT great; not even close. he even writes on his friends wall saying 'aku tau kau jeles sbb orang ramai comment profile aku'.
sexist because he says he's doing the course he's on (i wont tell) because, in his words, it's a course for 'macho men'; yet at the same time he keeps mentioning he's STRAIGHT, for instance he says he reads YAOI comics (gay manga fiction; Miza, if you're reading, please xplain) and then vehemently states 'BUT I'M STRAIGHT' afterwords. yessss, of coursee u are, thats why you're talking about dieting with a male friend, speaking malay but using 'i' and 'u', i.e. "ala tapi i diet pun bukan apa, nak bagi sihat je. you tu patut toughkan badan lagi'.

but most of all i know all this because my friend told me, and he also told me this guy looks down on him. anyone who looks down on my friend(s) is an ass-hole.

yes, i judge people, and admit it, you do too.

--------

EDWANISASI = ROCKS.

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Macbook Review! ;D

2009-01-12T02:10:00.015+08:00

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so it's been more than 24 hours since i've started using the Macbook White. i surprised myself that i took to it straight away; i thought i would face a steep learning curve having made the switch from Windows XP to Mac OS X. but no, it was easy as hell to get used to it. here's what i think so far:

Hardware

my Macbook

i think the Macbook White is a gorgeous computer; personally, i think it is even better looking than the newer 'unibody' Macbooks. i can think of only three laptops that look as good or even better than the Macbook:

the Voodoo Envy 133(starts at GBP1300; wayyyy too expensive)

the Sony Vaio FW Series(at 16.4", it's too big)

and the new Dell Adamo (not for sale yet).

back to the Macbook: the 13.3" screen is bright and clear(note to self: purchase a screen protector), and the keyboard is comfortable and responsive. i also like that the dvd drive is slot loading as opposed to a tray; i hate the 'clack' of a tray-drive. a VGA webcam is built-in on top of the screen, and it takes relatively good shots. another cool thing is that the power supply is connected to the computer via a magnetic plug ;D

the only thing that i don't really like about the Macbook's physical design is the fact there's only one mouse button(i love right clicking; i love having an actual physical mouse button) but i use an external mouse so that's ok. and the other thing is that the USB ports are on the left, which annoys me a bit. it also doesn't have a dedicated graphics card; so no high-end games or top quality HD movies then; but this isn't really the machine for those tasks anyway.

Software

i have never used a Mac before but now i admit: i'm in love with Mac OS X. really really loving it. i'm loving how pretty it is compared to XP. and despite my worry that it'd take a while before i get used to it, that hasn't been the case. in pretty much an hour or so i've gotten used to Mac OS X. everything is just so simple. it really is very easy to use, especially if you've never used a computer before(where have you been? The Middle Ages?)

for example installing YM just required me to agree to the T&C, then drag the installer icon into the Applications folder, and then just paste the copied version onto the dock. that's it. no 'agree.. yes.. next.. next.. next.. no.. yes.. finish'. i admit i'm still getting used to the file system, but i'm sure i'll get the hang of it.

and maybe it's because the laptop is new, but i like how quick it is with opening apps and stuff. currently i have it with the standard 1GB RAM, but i'm gonna make it 4GB as soon as i possibly can. that should speed things up even more.

all my favorite apps have Mac versions: Photoshop, Yahoo! Messenger, uTorrent, Skype, Windows Office(yeap). say what you want, i'm smitten by OS X. and this may be a tiny matter, but the fact that the standard font for Mac is Helvetica just rocks, haha.

Verdict!

the arguments that 'Macs kan untuk orang-orang grafik okay la' or 'Macs susah nak pakai la' or 'Mac tak banyak software/tak compatible la' are now irrelevant. those arguments stem simply from the fact that most people started on Windows and are worried to use another OS. new things are usually 'intimidating'. but now that shouldn't stop you anymore if you're thinking of switching. the amount of software and hardware that is Mac capable/compatible is huge. you just have to know where to look.

i'm not saying or telling you to 'GO SWITCH TO MAC OS!' nor am i saying that Windows is a bad OS. if you want to keep on using Windows, go ahead, by all means. it's still a great OS, especially XP and the hugely promising Windows 7. personally for me, i switched just because i wanted to(ok the looks of the laptop was a huge factor, sue me).

i think the Macbook White is a great computer; good looks and equally good software. i could even run Windows on it if i wanted to, but now i can't see a reason why i want to.

i'm sold. the Macbook White gets a 9/10 and the 'Sungguh Edwanisasi' stamp of approval.

Macbook White with Mac OS X 'Leopard',
RM 3699(Malaysian RRP), RM3499 [with Student Discount(Apple Store/Online Store only)]
2.1GHz Intel Core2Duo, 1GB RAM, 120GB HDD
13.3(diagonal, 16:10) screen, 2.2kg

Yeah!: beautiful design, comfortable and responsive keyboard, easy to use OS, able to run Windows(if i need it to)

Ishh!: USB ports on the left, only one mouse button below trackpad, no dedicated graphics card so gaming and HD video is limited.

War, Has Changed.

2009-01-10T07:56:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Hello.

In the words of a great, albeit fictional, soldier:

'War, has changed'

Centuries ago, or maybe as recent as 1942 - 1945, war was fought on battlefields and in trenches. War was fought by fighters, fit and ready men who were trained to handle weapons and the tools of destruction. War was fought on grounds dedicated to battle, grounds that would truly show and testify who it was that had the upper hand in tactics, strategy and brute strength; which generals, commanders, captains and admirals were the best.

Many centuries ago, war was a true measure of strength and might. War was a true yardstick for military prowess. And the casualties of war were the warriors themselves; warriors who dedicated their lives in service to belief and country. Warriors who were prepared to die. Who were probably proud to have died a warrior. Some maybe went on to become heroes, and within time, legends. The price to pay for defeat was surrender; the prize received for victory glory, power and a place in the history books.

But war has changed.

It is no longer being fought on true battlefields. Indeed the term 'battlefield' itself is now vague; how can it not be so, when the tides of warn can be changed by the press of a button hundreds if not thousands of miles away? And as fit and trained as the modern soldier is, their powers to kill and decide the turn of a war is being decided in a boardroom, by old men in expensive suits, who college degrees.

War has changed. When we once carried sword and spear and bow and arrow and shield, fighting with heart and true will, nowadays we fight from a distance, with infantry carrying weapons that can kill an enemy from 2 kilometers away, or weapons that fire an incredible amount of ammunition in so short a time-space. Where once ballistas and catapults threw their crude payloads into the air, nowadays fighters and bombers roar in the skies, raining death from miles above. Where once men, mounted on horses and chariots and elephants charged their enemy, now tanks cruise the modern battlefield, firing explosives.

War has changed. Perhaps once upon a time long ago, spirit and heart played as much a role in winning a battle as the sword and shield did. How can you say so for today when one press of a button, a button not even in the same battlefield, could obliterate the enemy? What is the value of war if one nation holds the power to turn another into a barren wasteland, a land of nothing but famine and death? What is the true value of war when soldiers, at times, do not even know what they are fighting for?

War has changed. Once it was a weapon of political, military and national strength. Nowadays, war is just a disease. Because today, war does not just consume the warriors; no longer are the only casualties the soldiers, the generals and the captains, the commanders in the field. Instead, war now eats away at humanity itself. It now kills children and women in addition to soldiers. War no longer recognizes enemy or friend. It just kills. And the victims are not just the bodies you see torn apart and lying beside a road or in crudely dug mass graves. You and I are as much victims of this war as the children whose mothers are lost, or the father who saw his son gunned down. Because war divides us all. It makes us question whose side we are on, it makes us hate by association. And that hate, I suppose, is what will fund and channel future wars, maybe even more so than the money we put into arms research, development and manufacture.

War, has changed.

I write this today for a two reasons. First of all it is because a lot of you, my friends and acquaintances that is, have been asking me for my opinion regarding the war that is currently the subject of daily news headlines; you know of which I'm talking about. Secondly, I believe it is time to make a statement of my own opinion on the current war; I don't mean to imply I'm an important person. What I am is small, almost insignificant. Another voice in a sea of voices; voices which are, of all things, at war. Though there is nothing I can say here that many have not said before, I do have my beliefs, and I do have my stand on the matter:

"I condemn the crimes against humanity and atrocities that are being committed in Gaza; I condemn the murder and massacre of civilians, including women and children; I condemn the policies of the United States of America and The State Of Israel; I condemn the unfairness of this battle.

I must also state I do not support suicide bombing or acts of terrorism that have so far bred nothing but more retaliation and hatred for Islam; I must also state that I believe the Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) would not have endorsed these tactics of battle; I must also state that I think terrorism, like war, is a disease that is plaguing the world and poisoning the minds of Muslims and Non-Muslims alike.

Therefore I am praying for the war to be over; Therefore I am wishing for the eventual safety of Gaza; and the whole of Palestine, Iraq and Afghanistan. Therefore I am hoping for an end to the death and destruction being wrought so close to The Holy Land.

Therefore I am hoping for peace for all humanity, however hard that may seem to imagine."

War... has changed.

It's not about changing the world.
It's about doing our best to leave the world... the way it is.
It's about respecting the will of others, and believing in your own.
(MGS4: GoTP)

----------

Saya Suka Membaca

2009-01-10T02:00:00.013+08:00

---

hello hello.

i went to Central London today after quite sometime.. not going there(i have no reason to go usually; but the building sebelah Primark Oxford Street dah takde, wth when did that happen?). i got myself new books, yay! three new books to be exact.

the first two:

on the left is Stephen King's latest collection of short stories, 'Just After Sunset', which isn't even available in paperback yet. and it was half price as well so i snapped up the chance. i'm a huge Stephen King fan, ever since i read 'Salem's Lot, one of his earliest novels, which was; and still is, a great vampire story(no, don't mention Twilight please; Meyer is out of King's league).

on the right is William Peter Blatty's The Exorcist; you've probably seen the movie. you know, the one where the girl is possesed by a demon and spins her head around 360 degrees. but anyway that's the book on which the movie was based on. takot.

the third book is, uhm, well:

hoh.

hooohhh!

the third book is an Apple Macbook! mari, buka kotak:

polysytrene padding also got the word 'Macbook', haih, egomaniacal Apple Inc. i drew that red circle on using Photoshop by the way, not lipstick.

box contents; not much, but well packaged.

clockwise from top: power supply, mains adapter, user guides; that grey box houses the back-up discs, a screen cleaning cloth and two Apple logo stickers. i love those stickers, haha.

and here's the Macbook White, unwrapped ;)

cantik ;)

keyboard close-up ;)

starting up the computer. it's so pretty i had a blonde moment looking at it.

'X' for Mac OS X ('X' as in ten, the roman numeral, not 'x' as in 'eks'). there was this weird trippy 'welcome' video haha complete with a voice 'Welcome to blablabla'.

and there's my brand new Macbook ready to go!

i got about GBP100 off the RRP by using the higher education student discount, which rocks. i've never used a Mac before, but hey, there's always a first time. this post is being written on my still lovely(but admittedly tired) Sony Vaio VGN-C13G, as i'm currently transferring loads of data onto the Mac from my external HDD.

bestnya ada gadget baru, oh yeahhh!

Macbook = Sungguh Edwanisasi

theme song: 'Festival' by Paola E Chiara

:D

p/s:
forgive the less than stellar photos, taken in less than stellar lighting conditions.

-----

Twizzlers!

2009-01-07T05:51:00.003+08:00

---

when i was much younger(and to a certain extent, now as well, omg im 23 this year) i used to love reading Archies comics. i remember at my old house there were like, 2-3 shelves full of those comics.

i have to admit, reading them now, they seem lame and most of all unrealitistic. but hey, for their target audience of kids, i guess they're okay. sometimes i wonder what it'd be like if they updated the Archie comics to be more realistic: Archie would probably be sleeping with both Betty and Veronica...

but anyways, i mention those comics because there were always ads for cool American candies in them: Sweet'arts la, some sour Egg shaped candy la, blablabla. one particular candy i've always wanted to try was Twizzlers.

Twizzlers are liquorice candy; you know, like those stringy kind you buy in Ikea. but they just seem much tastier. and now, thanks to the power of eBay, wahahaha, i've finally bought a few packets.

twizzlers perisa ceri

ta daa. so how they'd fare? well, they're just regular liquorice candy i guess, nothing out of this world. but they taste so much more special because i have memories of Twizzlers advertisements in Archie comics.

macam buang masa je post ni, hahaha.

Twizzlers = gula-gula likoris rasmi edwanisasi.

--------

For The Umpteenth Time, I Hate ATM Machines

2009-01-05T07:23:00.005+08:00

----

i hate ATM machines. because this happened today:

i went to withdraw some money. so, insert card, enter pin:

i select 'Withdrawal'

i select '£10'

i wait a moment... but suddenly:

ehhh..?

whaaat..?

frickfrickfrickfrickfrickfrickfrickfrickfrickfrickfrickfrick

>:(

again:
i. hate. ATMs.

on a lighter note, nah, gambar edwanisasi berambut pendek, as proof i did cut my hair:

-----------

Rawak Awal Januari UPDATED

2009-01-02T07:43:00.007+08:00

---

(disclaimer: sila jangan terasa. saya tak target sesiapa kecuali dalam point yang terakhir)

ok, curi gaya Che Det menulis:

Face/Friend

dulu sebelum saya aktif di Facebook, saya (semestinya) lebih aktif di Friendster. kenapa? kerana semasa itu saya belum biasa dengan Facebook, dan juga tidak ramai kawan sekaligus tidak banyak aktiviti di situ. jadi saya lebih aktif di Friendster. ok tak ada masalah.

tetapi pada satu hari, ada satu orang yang telah berhijrah(guna perkataan hijrah sempena Awal Muharam) ke Facebook bertanya pada saya: "Apa email? Boleh add di Facebook". semasa itu, saya menjawab saya lebih aktif di Friendster; terus dia seperti tahan gelak/senyum sinis dan berkata "oh, masih main Friendster lagi. orang sekarang main Facebook la".

erk..? apakah sebab kau guna Facebook bererti kau hebat dan orang-orang yang pada masa itu masih menggunakan Friendster adalah tak hebat? apakah menunjukkan satu revolusi minda ataupun kenaikan taraf jika kamu tidak lagi 'main Friendster'(saya tak suka istilah 'main Friendster', itu citarasa peribadi saya) tetapi 'main Facebook'?

kau berasa kau cool kerana semasa orang lain masih menggunakan Friendster, kau telah pun 'main Facebook', tetapi realitinya kau hanya salah satu daripada berjuta-juta manusia yang mudah dan cepat tertarik pada sesuatu yang baru. dulu IRC, sekarang YM/MSN; dulu CommunityZero/Circles, kemudian Friendster/Myspace; dan sekarang Facebook. sama sahaja, satu evolusi 'social networking'.

jika kau asaskan penggunaan komuniti internet anda kerana ia 'baru' dan 'tak main la Friendster, tu untuk orang Malaysia je', kapasiti minda kau seperti semut: menurut saja. mereka ini adalah Elitist Bangang, sama sahaja seperti Brand Snob yang suka memperlekehkan barang-barang yang bukan dia suka.

yea, saya jauh lebih aktif di Facebook sekarang, dan saban hari Friendster saya semakin terbengkalai. sebab-sebab? mudah: sekarang lebih ramai kawan di Facebook yang aktif, Friendster semakin banyak spam/bugs/virus/dll, dan Facebook mempunyai ciri-ciri yang membuatkan ia lebih mudah di gunakan untuk saling berhubung dengan rakan-rakan.

dan tak kira pun di mana anda lebih aktif. ia bergantung pada citarasa masing-masing. tetapi sila jangan memperlekehkan orang lain jika mereka menggunakan salah satunya. ia hanya membuat anda kelihatan bodoh sombong dan ntahapeape.

---------

Hello Pemblog Emosi

saya sering terserempak(haha) dengan blog-blog di mana penulisnya seperti mencuba sedaya upaya untuk mengetengahkan imej bahawa dia 'kesepian'. saya pasti anda pernah terjumpa blog-blog seperti ini.

biasanya blog-blog ini mempunyai aturan yang suram, dan topik-topik yang sering di terbitkan adalah tentang 'kesepian ku...' atau 'gelapnya hari ini...' atau 'biarlah ku sendiri...'. dan banyak juga blog-blog seperti ini yang letak lagu-lagu yang emosi atau sedih.

okay, takpe, apa yang mereka nak tulis atau bagaimana mereka nak hias blog mereka adalah hak mereka. sekurang-kurangnya ada juga sesuatu untuk di bacakan. tetapi yang sering menjadi persoalan dalam otak saya adalah: kenapa tulis blog seperti ini? bukankah, jika kau kesepian, adalah lebih elok untuk a) atau b) mencari kawan atau teman atau b) meluahkannya secara peribadi?

ia lebih kelakar dan menghairankan apabila penulis-penulis blog seperti ini gemar mempromosikan blog mereka, contohnya: "Come Feel My Loneliness at LoNeLy-GuRLz.BloGsPot.CoM"

aaa? okay, saya sudah dapat point anda, anda kesepian dan mahukan perhatian, tetapi saya rasa banyak orang akan berasa tidak senang untuk 'feel your loneliness'. mungkin ini pendapat saya saja, tetapi saya rasa itu bukan ayat yang memberangsangkan untuk membuat kawan.

ada satu lagi berkenaan di atas: mereka yang punya profil Friendster/Myspace/Facebook dan meletakkan pada profil mereka, contohnya: "add me to feel my pain/add untuk berkongsi kesepian saya di jejakasepidanemosi@email.com".

minta maaf, saya tak mahu 'feel your pain'. sila daftarkan diri di wad psikiatri; barangkali seorang ahli terapi boleh memberitahu anda kenapa anda dambakan perhatian.

----------

Musik Aku Bukan Musik Kamu

beberapa hari yang lepas saya telah menonton 'Mamma Mia! The Movie'; pendek kata, saya suka cerita itu. ia satu cerita yang tak perlu di persoalkan plot atau sudut kamera ataupun sinematografinya. ia cerita yang di tulis sebagai 'vehicle' untuk mempersembahkan lagu-lagu kumpulan pop popular 70an, ABBA.

saya suka lagu-lagu ABBA; saya berpendapat lagu-lagu mereka berirama, original dan 'catchy'. lagu-lagu seperti Dancing Queen, Mamma Mia, Gimme Gimme Gimme dan lain-lain sering membuatkan kita ikut menyanyi sama. jangan tipu, pasti kamu pernah terasa begitu juga.

dan sedar atau tidak, ABBA telah memberi pengaruh yang besar kepada industri muzik antarabangsa. suka lagu 'Hung Up' oleh Madonna? lagu itu telah menggunakan irama daripada satu lagu ABBA (Gimme Gimme Gimme is the song).

setelah menonton Mamma Mia!, saya terfikir sekejap: kenapa ramai orang dari generasi saya(80an) tidak suka lagu-lagu itu? adakah kerana ia di anggap 'cool' untuk tidak suka ABBA, ataupun mereka betul-betul berasa bahawa ABBA itu teruk?

jika kamu betul-betul rasa musik ABBA tidak bagus, tak apa. tetapi jika kamu hanya benci ABBA kerana ia adalah 'in' dan 'cool' untuk membenci ABBA, sekali lagi kamu seperti semut: turut sahaja gerombolan-gerombolan lain.

musik tetap musik. too bad untuk kamu jika kamu tak suka, jadi janganlah dengar atau tengok.

dan saya teringat juga bahawa seorang kenalan saya pernah cakap bahawa citarasa musik saya 'boring' setelah dia meninjau playlist dan lagu-lagu dalam pemain MP3 saya. untuk pengetahuan umum, lagu-lagu dalam pemain MP3 saya termasuk dalam pelbagai genre, bahasa dan gaya: rock, pop, classical opera, oldies, rock kapak, Siti Nurhaliza(yep), lagu kartun Jepun dan lagu filem Hindustan pun ada.

tetapi kenalan saya itu cakap citarasa saya 'boring'. sebagai perbandingan, dia sering mendengar lagu-lagu Top 40 terkini. dia lebih senang dengan JayZ, Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, Kanye West dan Timbaland.

okay: adakah saya pernah cakap nak kongsi lagu dengan anda? apakah saya kata lagu-lagu kamu 'boring'? apa hak kamu untuk insult citarasa saya? okay, jika kita mahu berterus-terang, saya rasa musik yang kamu dengar itu adalah sampah dan terlalu 'copy-paste' dan ikut formula. apakah perasaan kamu jika saya telah jenguk-jenguk playlist kamu dan berkata begitu?

bantulah saya: jangan beritahu saya pendapat kamu yang tak penting itu. teruskanlah dan ikutlah dewa-dewi Pop dan RnB yang kamu begitu puja.

---------

UPDATE: Pengomen Tanpa Nama

saya sedang mempertimbangkan untuk disable komen-komen anonymous/tanpa nama.

saya galakkan orang ramai meninggalkan komen, tak kira jika kamu setuju atau tidak atau apa-apa pun dengan saya ataupun berkenaan dengan post yang telah di terbitkan.

tetapi yang saya kurang suka ialah apabila ada pembaca yang tidak setuju meninggalkan komen tanpa meninggalkan link/username yang boleh di jejak. apakah yang kamu takutkan? kenapa mesti menggunakan option anonymous jika kamu tidak setuju? mungkin kamu takut kamu akan jadi material untuk post masa depan saya?

if you want to say something, say it, but leave a link or a traceable ID. there's nothing to lose. i'm just one opinion in a sea of opinions. if what i say hit you really bad, please refer to the disclaimer above.

edwanisasi ROCKS.

-----

Penunggu

2008-12-24T06:08:00.008+08:00

---

i am sure most of you have been to restaurants; and by restaurants i am excluding mamak shops and tom yam shops. i am talking about restaurants where the staff are trained, however basically, to do service.

now take a moment and think: how many times have you been rude or gotten angry at a waiter for something trivial, with the justification that "oh, they're just waiters"

if you've done this before, shame on you. and i will readily admit, prior to being in this hotel/restaurant business, i have done so myself with the same alibi: "they're just waiters".

but now i've managed to look at them in a different light.

first and foremost, they're human beings, with feelings and flaws. they're not 'just waiters'. and although they have been trained or taught to serve you as the customer, that does not make them slaves to your every whim and fancy.

have you tried being a waiter? you might say "ala, apa susah sangat nak bawak makan and minum kat meja".

i'd like to see you try doing that countless of times to hundreds of people within a few hours.

it is not easy. i know this. i've been a waiter.

granted, this is not to say that they should be sympathized at all the time. as a customer you are there to be served after all, but as a customer, that does not make you King or Queen. the waiter is doing his job. the unluckiest thing about being a waiter is that they are the first ones a customer would talk to and complain about.

they are the ones taking the most hits. they are the ones who are verbally abused, humiliated and challenged the moment one simple thing goes wrong.

i know of a lot of people who go irate and angry when their food arrives a few minutes late, or if the food does not turn out as good as they wanted it to be. just last week in the restaurant a waiter friend of mine lost his tips when the customers decided not to pay the service charge.

why? because they said the food they ordered was 'tasteless' and they wanted it off the bill. i thought that was so unfair. it is one thing if i screwed up in the kitchen and sent out a dish with a hair or a blob of phlegm on the plate; if so, fine, you are entitled to NOT pay for the meal.

but to request the meal to be taken off the bill because you decided you don't like the taste? how pretentious can you get? and of course it is the waiter who has to face the embarrasment of being told "your food sucks ass" when it should have been the cooks'.

waiters are there to serve you customers, but have you ever spared a thought for them? for instance, if you go to a restaurant on a busy night and expect to be served straight away, but end up being served a bit late, do you get angry? do you suddenly storm off saying "apa ni takde service!"?

i know it is very frustrating when that happens. but think: the restaurant is busy and the waiters do not have 80 hands and heads to serve everyone at the same time. think; if any of you saw Brad Pitt or Siti Nurhaliza being run over by a car, would an autograph be the first thing on your mind?

waiters are not machines. they're human with human limitations. sure if you still don't end up being served, then that is bad. but that is NOT the fault of the waiter, at least not directly. it will be management's fault for not being able to do staffing properly to handle a busy night. of course if you were at a good restaurant, this is unlikely to happen.

i guess i'm rambling now.

my point is, i think i've too often seen how a lot of waiters are treated like shit by customers who think they own the joint. there have been too many times when i've seen waiters and other service staff being scolded or thought of as nothing more than tools.

they're not. they're people doing a job. without them, you would have nothing on your plate. without them, there would be no service, and all food establishments would be reduced to self-serving takeaways very much like McDonalds. do you feel special there? no, isn't it?

there is this story a lecturer of mine (who was a waiter at a hotel restaurant) told me during my diploma days: his work-mate, also a waiter, was serving this jackass of a customer. the worst kind of customer: fussy, rude, obnoxious, patronizing, disrespectful, ridiculously demanding.

anyway, after a night of tolerating the customer, serving him his dinner and putting up with scathing comments and insults, the time came when the customer asked for coffee, which the waiter brought to him. unsurprisingly, the coffee was 'wrong' to the customer and again the waiter had to bear the insults.

but this time he lost his patience; he swung the pot of hot coffee at the customer's head, smashing the pot and scalding as well as probably giving the customer a concussion. needless to say he lost his job, said my lecturer. but then the guy had this to say:

"i might have lost my job", he had said. "but hitting that bastard in the head was worth it"

which just goes to say: waiters are human.

so please. think twice before berating on a waiter over small things, or insulting them through condascendence. it is good enough they're doing their job as best as they can to serve you. they don't need customers acting like Gods and Goddesses.

be a good customer. i can't tell you just how great it is when a waiter serves a good customer. it might not seem like much, but it is the good customer who gets the best service. remember who is bringing you the food and drink.

or would you rather have spit in your Coke and boogers in your burger?

---

on another note, i have bad news. will disclose later.

OMFG

2008-12-20T09:55:00.004+08:00

----

Dian Sastrowardoyo in some photoshoot.

HAAAAAAAAWWWWT!

!!!

---

jika anda tak kenal saya atau tak tau,
ye ye, saya sangat-sangat suka Dian Sastrowardoyo.

---

RANTS/revelations untuk December: UPDATED

2008-12-15T08:06:00.007+08:00

-----

RANTS

why is it that when i wait for an elevator, it's always the furthest one that is the one to come to my floor?

for example, if i'm on the ground floor, and there are two elevators: one at the 5th, and another at the 10th. when i press the button, whyyy is it that its always the elevator at the TENTH that will come down, when the one at the FIFTH is nearer?

i just don't get it.

------

i've mentioned this before: i hate ATM machines despite their obvious usefulness. i hate the fact that:

they're not standardized; there are some ATMS with the options on one side of the screen whilst others are on opposite ends. make up your minds you stupid machines.
some ATMs ask you to press 'Enter/OK' after you key in your PIN number, whilst others just take you to the menu once you get it right.

and of course, i hate people who take so long at an ATM machine. why are you there so long? didn't you make your mind when you decided to go to an ATM? or did you just happen to think "oh, i'm bored, let's go to an ATM and see all the options on it!"
---

i hate it when you're chasing a bus at a bus stop and the driver sees you running for the bus, and yet said driver decides to move on anyway despite the fact that:

they saw you coming
they can afford to wait

---

i don't like voicemail. i don't use it on my phone, nor do i expect people to leave voice messages. i don't like leaving voice messages because:

i have no idea if the person i called would listen to them
it makes me feel daft

---

i also hate the prepaid top up system here. i HAVE to call to top up, and the thing is, the stupid robot lady likes to interrupt the flow: for example, once i pressthe option to top up, the stupid robot lady decides to tell me how 'O2 is having great deals etc"; and if i interrupt that message, she goes "sorry, that was the wrong key. please try again..".

robot lady = uncool.

NAG!

------

Revelations

i love the fact that my internet connection is super-fast. the other day i downloaded 4 movies. normally in Malaysia, on Streamyx, that would have taken me a day at least, a week at most. but over here, i managed to dowload those movies within 2 hours.

super fast broadband FTW.

---

i think, after more than year, it is time to cut my hair. haha. i have this urge to shave it down to only like, half an inch or so. or maybe i should go back to my old 'slope' (tak tau betul or not that fashion name) haircut from days of yesteryear?

as of now, at the longest point, my hair reaches just below my shoulder blades.
---

i make the best sambal goreng ever. it is so pedas. those of you with weak stomachs and bowels will almost certainly suffer from the shits or maybe have an instant haemorrhoid.

but i love my sambal pedas. or, as i dubbed it, Sambal Neraka.

---

i can hear two people i care about calling me. i think it's Sugar and Wiseguy. i wonder why?

---

UPDATE:

yesterday there were a bunch of little kids (40 actually) in at the restaurant i worked at. as i was standing outside the kitchen to have a look how things were on the floor, one of them, a little black girl with corn rows in her hair, came up to me and asked:

"where is Santa Clause?"
(earlier on, one of our staff dressed up as Santa and 'entertained' the kids)

i told her Santa Clause is dead, wahahahahaha.

>;D

-----

edwanisasi rocks.
-----

Target Acquired: UPDATED

2008-12-11T05:16:00.011+08:00

---

pretty soon i'll be on a roughly two and a half week long break from uni. in case you have no idea why, which i hope is unlikely, it is my uni's official Christmas break.

instead of opting to laze around for that period of time, i have (a little tiny bit regrettably) volunteered to work everyday for those two weeks, and at least 7 hours a day at that.

my reasoning is to earn at least GBP900. why? because i want a new laptop. why a new one? just because.

i want to get an Apple Macbook White.

laptop idaman baru

laptop yang edwanisasi

i've decided i want to try out Macs. just because. plus, i think it's the best looking laptop i can get for my money. so yea, this means i'd be switching from Windows XP to Mac OS X as my primary OS(hopefully), but hey, i'm not going to abandon XP altogether, because the Macbook can run Windows as well.

there is this sort of stigma or stereotype concerning Macs in Malaysia. people think:

Macs are only good with graphics stuff
Macs are expensive

point 1 is misleading and just shows a lack of knowledge of Macs. yeah it is good for graphics, but so is that well specced Windows PC.

point 2 is sort of true for most Malaysians, inevitably since the number one laptop brand in Malaysia is Acer, who makes good value and affordable stuff. but what Acer lacks is design. and coolness. to get design and coolness on an Acer, i'm guessing one would have to fork out just as much as a Sony Vaio or the Apple Macbook itself.

but the biggest reason some stigmas exist is because of the general familiarity with Windows. i admit i've never used a Mac before, but hey, here goes.

so here's to hoping i'll earn enough over this Christmas holiday to afford the Apple Macbook White. because right now, this laptop is very-very the edwanisasi.

other than this one of course:

laptop yang terlalu cantik. terlalu cantik.

The Voodoo Envy 133. gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous. currently i think it's the prettiest laptop ever. it's a Windows laptop as well. but it is DOUBLE the price of an Apple Macbook.

there's also the question of the all new aluminum bodied New Macbook:
The New Macbook, which is the so called 'Unibody Macbook', is, personally for me, not as pretty as the Macbook White. besides:

Macbook Unibody: GBP929 (!!!)
Macbook White: GBP650

so as of now, Macbook White wins. and you're guaranteed i'm gonna do an unboxing when i get one. IF, i get one should say.

enough of this.
make with the newness.

---------

Musuh-Musuh Edwanisasi

2008-12-06T00:40:00.004+08:00

---

berikut adalah musuh-musuh edwanisasi. mereka ini adalah antonim kepada 'cool' dan kehebatan

Mat Rempit
benda-benda ini sentiasa bermotorsikal bising. benda-benda ini datang dalam pelbagai saiz dan bentuk, dan dalam darjat-darjat kehodohan yang berbeza. tetapi lazimnya mereka boleh di cam dengan ciri-ciri berikut:

rambut ada ekor, sering memakai topi.
t-shirt long sleeve berkolar; biasanya belang-belang
jeans yang tirus dan sendat
but kuning yang pastinya ciplak
rokok dan rantai besi di leher

benda-benda ini boleh di lihat di mana-mana, tetapi habitat aslinya adalah di atas jalanraya, sebagai pelumba, tetapi lebih elok sebagai mayat. mereka gemar mengacau manusia. kebanyakan daripada mereka adalah bodoh. dan busuk. benda-benda ini barangkali musuh edwanisasi yang paling kerap di temui.

Minah Ronggeng
mereka ini kurang durjana daripada Mat Rempit, tetapi sering di lihat bersama-sama. biasanya mereka ini menjadi Minah Ronggeng atas pengaruh Mat Rempit. mereka boleh di kenal pasti dengan:

baby tee shirt dan jeans ketat, tetapi berselipar murah
make-up yang terlalu tebal
suara yang menyakitkan telinga.
seringkali menggunakan beg 'Von Dutch' atau 'Roxy' tiruan

AWAS! mereka ini boleh di kelirukan dengan Minah Indon. untuk membezakannya, cuba lihat jika mereka memakai barang kemas: Minah Indon biasanya memakai lebih banyak barang kemas, dan mempunyai rambut yang lebih rimas.

Abang/Kakak Tahu Segalanya Tetapi Sebenarnya Tak Tahu
golongan ini datang dalam bermacam saiz, bentuk dan gaya. kebanyakan mereka kelihatan biasa sahaja. tetapi yang membezakan mereka ialah:

mereka suka menyampuk untuk menonjolkan pendapat yang tidak di tanya
mereka sering memberi fakta yang salah dan merasakan ianya betul
mereka memandang remeh pandangan orang lain walaupun mereka sebenarnya salah.
mereka suka menentang pendapat orang lain yang sebenarnya betul
mereka sukar untuk menerima pendapat orang lain, dan sering berkata "tapi.." atau "tak"

golongan ini memudaratkan otak, tetapi mereka senang di cam dan di nyah dengan beberapa ayat atau kata-kata yang sahih, benar dan tidak dapat di goncahkan lagi. tetapi AWAS! sebahagian besar golongan ini terdiri daripada pakcik-pakcik dan makcik-makcik yang lebih tua daripada kita, jadi cubaan-cubaan untuk mendesak mereka pergi atau membetulkan mereka boleh 'back-fire' dan kita akan di kata biadap atau tidak menghormati orang tua.

Pemandu Kereta Bodoh
golongan ini hanya boleh di kenal pasti di atas jalanraya. mereka kelihatan normal, tetapi mereka menjadi berbeza dan secara am-nya idiot apabila memandu kereta. untuk mengenal pasti mereka, cuba lihat yang berikut:

pemandu yang suka cucuk-cucuk
pemandu yang sering tidak memberi isyarat apabila membelok
pemandu yang tidak memberi laluan kepada kenderaan yang berhak
pemandu yang gemar memandu di lorong kecemasan atau memotong dari belah kiri
pemandu yang memandu kereta yang di ubah suai dengan buruk.

golongan ini sukar di kendalikan kerana mereka berada di dalam kenderaan masing-masing dan tidak sedar bahawa mereka adalah musuh edwanisasi.

Mereka Yang Tiada Kesedaran Sivik
pastinya anda pernah berjumpa dan berasa marah dengan golongan ini. tidak pasti? cuba ingat; pasti, dalam hari-hari yang anda lalui, anda pernah terjumpa (sebagai contoh):

mereka yang suka potong 'Q' semasa beratur, di mana-mana pun
mereka yang tidak memberi tempat duduk di dalam kenderaan awam yang sesak kepada orang yang lebih berhak duduk
mereka yang tidak tolong menahan pintu walaupun ada orang lain betul-betul di belakang.
mereka yang tidak menekan butang 'Buka' di dalam lif semasa pintu sedang tutup, walaupun mereka nampak kita bergegas untuk kejar lif.

dalam erti kata lain, mereka ini adalah golongan yang bodoh sombong.

'The Lame Ass'
ini pula golongan yang tidak begitu mengganggu, tetapi kita berasa sedih+marah dan sakit hati melihat kehidupan mereka. biasanya golongan ini terdiri daripada remaja. mereka sering:

bercerita betapa sedih dan kesunyiannya kehidupan mereka, dan sering menggunakan ayat-ayat seperti "i wish i was dead" atau "death is the only escape for me" etc.
mereka ini 'emo'.
mereka juga suka memperagakan fakta bahawa mereka masih belum berpunya, kemudian gelak-gelak dan berkata "i was just kidding, i'm not that desperate".

golongan ini seperti kesan kotoran di baju kesayangan; ia tidak begitu mengganggu, tetapi apabila kita asyik sedar dan lihat saja, kita berasa sakit hati.

'The Poyo Anjing'
golongan paling mudah. mereka ini:

suka berlagak tapi tak ada asas pun dalam apa yang mereka lagak-kan.
merasa diri mereka di minati ramai, tetapi sebenarnya mereka adalah loser.
suka bercerita tentang kualiti-kualiti diri sendiri tanpa di tanya.
suka 'kecewa' apabila 'terbuat' sesuatu yang 'tidak di ingini, tetapi terpaksa'. contohnya: "Aku tak berniat nak beli kasut mahal itu, tetapi sudah terbeli pula.." *keluh*.

dan sebagainya. Poyo Anjing ini senang sahaja: usah di layan.

sampai ini sahaja untuk kali ini.

jika anda berpeluang, bawalah keluar botol-botol kaca dari rumah anda.

perang untuk menghapuskan musuh-musuh Edwanisasi patut di jalankan sentiasa.

"Ex Fortitudine Veritas"
- From Courage, Truth-

gambar menunjukkan ahli Tentera Edwanisasi sedia untuk berjuang.

>;D

---

Mahi-Mahi

2008-09-26T03:46:00.003+08:00

--

since some of you have been asking me what a 'Mahi-Mahi' fish is, here you go:

Mahi-Mahi

from Wikipedia:

The Mahimahi (in Hawaiian), Coryphaena hippurus, also known as common dolphin-fish, dorado maverikos, or lampuki (in Maltese) are surface-dwelling ray-finned fish found in off-shore tropical and subtropical waters worldwide.

Mahi-mahi have a lifespan of 4 to 5 years. Catches average 7 to 13 kg. They seldom exceed 15 kg and any mahi-mahi over 18 kg is exceptional. Mahi-mahi have compressed bodies and long dorsal fins extending almost the entire length of their bodies. Their anal fins are sharply concave.

They are distinguished by dazzling colors: golden on the sides, bright blues and greens on the sides and back. Males and female have similar shaped bodies except for their heads. Mature males have prominent foreheads protruding well above the body proper. Females have a rounded head. Females are also usually smaller than males.

They are fast swimmers as well, with a top swimming speed of 50 knots. Mahi-mahi spawn in warm ocean currents throughout much of the year, and its young are commonly found in sargassum weed. Mahi-mahi are carnivorous, feeding on flying fish, crabs, squid, mackerel, and other small fish. They have also been known to eat zooplankton and crustaceans. As food, mahi-mahi have a chicken-like taste and texture. But some restaurants will substitute a soft flaky white fish instead of real mahi mahi because it is cheaper.

Mahimahi are highly sought for game fishing and commercial purposes. Game fishery is popular due to their beauty. Mahimahi have become popular as a dish in many restaurants.

p/s:
In Malay it's known as Ikan Belitong.

;)

Makanan Dr Muhammad Edwan

2008-09-24T02:44:00.005+08:00

-------------

jom masak. yea, saya tau saya jarang post tentang makanan. malas. sekali-sekala okay la. so let's masak, as long as you do not touch my knives.

today, we're making Mahi-Mahi With Sweet and Spicy Soy Reduction Sauce.
wahaha, fancy pants tak nama tu? it's just fish with my style of sauce.

you will need:

200g Mahi Mahi; but any type of fish would do: salmon is great for this recipe.

one onion, sliced

6-8 cili padi, chopped

these condiments:

2 tbsp Tabasco Habanero Pepper Sauce, 5-6 tbsp L&P Worcestishire Sauce, 3 tbsp soy sauce(preferably the sweet kind), 1 1/2 tbsp vinegar or lime juice, 1/2 cup water, 2-3 tbsp sugar, + salt and pepper to taste.

first: heat up oil in a pan. season fish. when oil is smoking hot, sear fish for 1 minute on both sides. it should still be raw on the inside. take out, set aside.

next: turn down flame. in the same pan, sautee onions and chili until caramelized at the edges. mix tabasco, worcestishire, soy, vinegar and water. pour into pan with onions to deglaze. reduce to half.

next: add in the sugar, and mix well over medium-high heat. reduce by 1/4.

next: add in fish; leave flame at medium-high. coat the fish with the sauce. reduce by 1/2.

next: take out fish when it's cooked and set in a plate. reduce the sauce further until it's thickened a bit into a syrupy consistence. pour over fish.

ta daa; serve with steamed white rice. or as Gordon Ramsay would say:
Mahi-Mahi With Soy Reduction Sauce - DONE.

glossary:
sautee - to brown onions
reduce - to simmer liquid/sauce/soups until it's more concentrated and, well, reduced by half or more. develops flavor.

note:
Lea & Perrins Worcestishire Sauce is pronounced as: wors-te-shea, NOT wor-ches-te-shyer

----------------

saya berasa marah II

2008-09-17T03:31:00.003+08:00

----

sekali lagi sesetengah golongan orang membuatkan saya berasa marah dan membuat saya ingin memukul mereka dengan botol kaca sehingga mereka pengsan, kemudian tunggu mereka sedar dan pukul mereka lagi.

kali ini mereka adalah:

orang-orang semangat politik yang bersungguh-sungguh cuba yakinkan saya tentang kenapa kerajaan/pembangkang bagus. tolong diam, saya tidak peduli apa yang kamu nak cakap.
orang-orang sihat dan sempurna yang suka meletak kenderaan di parking khas OKU. kalau kamu nak sangat jadi OKU saya boleh membantu, beri saja saya botol-botol kaca pecah.
mat rempit yang suka memakai cap, kemeja polo tee berlengan panjang, rantai besi, hisap rokok, ber-jeans sendat dan memakai but hiking kuning, dan membawa topi keledar di dalam tangan. tidakkah kamu sedar kamu tidak cool?
orang-orang yang tidak fasih berbahasa inggeris tetapi lebih berlagak berbahasa inggeris dengan saya. do you realize i'm far better than you ever will be?
penulis-penulis blog yang suka menulis seperti ini(bad english intentional): "why am i is lonely? why? can i have happiness? why does people not liking me? forget it, im not really care for what people say. this is my life, my living. im not really care" etcetera. cukuplah. people don't care about you.
orang-orang yang mengikut trend-trend masakini seperti goth atau hip-hop dan berdandan atau berpakaian mengikut trend itu; kalau kamu suka gayanya, ok tak apa tetapi apabila kamu pergi ke khayalak ramai dengan terlalu cuba untuk menunjuk kamu goth/hip-hop/etc kamu hanya kelihatan bodoh. dan dalam kepanasan. dan kamu merimaskan.
remaja-remaja perempuan yang nyata belum habis sekolah tetapi berpakaian seperti penari bogel murah seperti yang kerap di tunjuk dalam filem; kamu memalukan perempuan Malaysia.
orang-orang tua yang tidak mahu mengaku salah walaupun terang-terang mereka yang salah. apa, sebab kamu semua lagi tua dari saya jadi kamu terbela dari kesilapan ke?
orang-orang yang tidak letak telefon bimbit pada mode 'silent' ataupun sekurang-kurangnya menjawab telefon untuk berkata 'maaf, telefon saya kemudian saya dalam cinema' semasa, apa lagi, di dalam cinema.
waiter/waitress restoran yang terus menanya "nak order apa?" walaupun saya baru saja duduk dan baru saja di beri menu; kalau saya sudah sedia nak order saya akan panggil, kamu tak perlu tanya.
penjaga-penjaga tol, lelaki dan perempuan, yang tidak ramah ataupun berwajah masam apabila saya memberi salam atau mengucapkan terima kasih.
pemandu-pemandu yang suka menentang papan tanda 'no entry' ataupun 'jalan sehala', dan juga pemandu-pemandu yang enggan beri pejalan kaki melintas di zebra crossing.
penumpang-penumpang kenderaan awam, terutamanya keretapi, yang enggan memberi duduk kepada mereka yang lebih perlu.
penumpang-penumpang keretapi yang enggan memberi laluan untuk orang turun dahulu sebelum menaiki keretapi; saya pernah menyiku seorang seperti ini di stesen KL Sentral.

lekas, sediakan botol kaca. kita ada tugas untuk di laksanakan.

-----

Dark Stories From Beyond Good and Evil

2008-09-15T07:50:00.003+08:00

Beyond Good and Evil

Episode Two:
The Strange Tale of Ishak and His Three Wishes: A Dark Comedy
(click episode title to read full story)

Preview:

Ishak Idris is not the best of men.

At 36, he was unmarried, rented a room in an already crowded flat with 8 others who were all still students, and did not hold a steady job. Perhaps he could blame his bachelorhood on his not-so-enticing looks; he was short, flabby and had the complexion of a 15 year old teenager who did not use facewash. He was also rude; perhaps his last relationship was 15 years ago. He rarely kept a job because he was lazy and tended to slack off. He no longer has any family; his parents died years ago to disease, and he is estranged with any extended family he still has. He dropped out of school at 15, simply not bothering to keep up with education. In fact he hated school.

What Ishak was good at, however, was getting into trouble. He has had several brush ins with the police; twice for theft, once for assault, several times for 'disturbing the peace', and the list goes on. He was in a Pusat Serenti in his early twenties; got released only to relapse into a world of intoxicants. He was a drunk, shunned by his peers (who numbered a pathetic few), and tolerated in his rented flat only because he was rarely in the house anyway.

He manages to just earn a living doing odd jobs; driving lorries, cleaning toilets, sweeping streets, mowing lawns. In spite of that, he somehow manages to gamble whatever is left of his money as well. Not for wins either. He's never won a bet. Perhaps the outside observer would say that Ishak has spent most of his 36 years betting on the wrong horse. And dog. And numbers.

One of the few people who seemingly tolerates him is Kahar. Kahar is a small time drug dealer, working indepently but often for one of the many gangs in Kuala Lumpur. A fellow rehab relapser, it was Kahar who first introduced drugs to Ishak. Now, perhaps the worst thing about Ishak's drug problem was that he rarely had the money to purchase them. Despite the temptations, Ishak has amazingly ignored the urge to steal. He knew he would get caught easily if he did. So often he borrowed. And garnered debts. And he did not borrow from banks either...
------

to read the full story, click:
The Strange Tale of Ishak and His Three Wishes: A Dark Comedy

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saya berasa marah: UPDATED

2008-09-05T16:29:00.004+08:00

orang-orang ini patut di ikat di atas kerusi dan di pukul dengan botol kaca sampai bengkak-bengkak atau lebih baik lagi pengsan. selepas mereka sedar... pukul mereka lagi. mereka adalah:

pemandu-pemandu kereta yang suka memotong dari belah kiri di lampu trafik; tak sedar ke kau tu bukan dalam lane yang sah pun?
penunggang-penunggang motosikal yang macam anggap saja kita nampak mereka dan sedap-sedap saja mencelah sana sini. kau ingat kau pakai topi keledar kau tak mati la kalau aku tiba-tiba terlanggar kau?
orang-orang yang tak tekan butang 'open' sementara orang lain mahu memasuki lif, sampai bila pintu tertutup kat orang yang nak masuk baru nak tekan'open'. kalau pintu lif dah langgar aku, baik tak payah tekan, setan.
orang-orang yang lepas saja pintu walaupun ada orang lain betul-betul di belakang. apa kau ingat kau seorang je yang ada kat dalam dunia ni keldai?
orang-orang yang 'lupa' untuk silentkan phone dalam cinema. apa kau buta ke tak nampak iklan reminder tu? kalau buta apahal kau masuk cinema?
orang-orang yang potong Q bila berbaris; buta ke bodoh?
dan orang-orang yang, kalau ada 6 orang kawan, keenam-enam tu juga nak berbaris; apa korang ni cacat sangat ke sampai nak beratur beli something pun ramai-ramai?
orang-orang yang seolah-olah bercinta dengan mesin ATM. mesin itu tak sayang kau.
sales assistant di mana-mana kedai yang kononnya bagus sangat nak berbahasa inggeris, tetapi bila di balas dengan bahasa inggeris terkial-kial nak menjawab.
sales assistant kedai-kedai best yang hanya ramah dengan orang-orang yang kelihatan 'kaya' ataupun pelancong; kau tu hanya sales assistant di kedai yang best, bukan kau tu yang bagus.

orang-orang yang komplen tentang SMART TUNNEL di Kuala Lumpur; orang-orang ini, seperti editor UTUSAN MALAYSIA, merengek kerana SMART TUNNEL di tutup tatkala hujan melanda, menyatakan SMART TUNNEL patut di buka pada motorist2, bising bila tak boleh lalu SMART TUNNEL kerana SMART TUNNEL di tutup. hello orang-orang merengek, fungsi UTAMA SMART TUNNEL adalah UNTUK MEMBANTU MENGURANGKAN KEJADIAN BANJIR DI KUALA LUMPUR. NAK SANGAT LALU SMART TUNNEL MASA HUJAN? GO AHEAD, BE MY GUEST AND DROWN.

banyak lagi rasanya jenis-jenis orang yang patut di pukul dengan botol kaca sampai pengsan , tetapi bila saya ingat kembali rasa macam nak betul-betul cari mereka untuk pukul mereka dengan botol kaca sampai pengsan. satu ayat saja yang sesuai untuk mereka ini:

bodoh.

----

Happy Birthday Dear Mother O'Mine.

2008-08-17T16:21:00.002+08:00

today is 17 August 2008; it's my bonda's birthday. so in that spirit, i would like to publicly announce:

Happy Birthday Mama, may Allah bless you with happiness, health and wealth for all time. Hopefully there'll be no more cats coming your way, HAHA.

lots of kaseh sayang,
'adik'

Cooking With An Alternate You II

2008-08-09T02:31:00.004+08:00

--

sambal belachan = rocks.

the more pedas it is, the better. of course, my dearest mother makes awesome sambal belachan as well, though she doesn't usually make it fiery hot. i, however, will try and make my sambal as hot as possible.

some people have been saying it's kinda ironic that i rarely talk about cooking or food on my blog considering what i'm studying(for the uninformed, i'm studying to become a, uhm.. chef).

anyways, here's something that'll do nicely for a meal, if you have some sambal belachan and leftover rice. this is a rough recipe, and you can adjust the ingredients accordingly, to taste. you need:

2 cups leftover, or cooled, white rice
a handful of ikan bilis. or two handfuls. ikut suka la. i like mine banyak.
3-4.. or 5-6, tablespoons of sambal belachan. again, ikut suka rasa.
one small onion, chopped. or sliced thinly.
salt+pepper to taste.

heat about 2 tablespoons of oil in a kuali.
fry ikan bilis+onions until cooked but not crispy.
add the sambal belachan. stir.
add rice. mix well. season.

serve. with extra chilli padi, if you're so inclined.

ta daa.

without flash..

with flash..

quick. easy. delicious. if you somehow manage to screw this up, it's your fault entirely.

---

welebrity (la sangat)

2008-07-15T23:08:00.002+08:00

--

oh check this out.
i was interviewed for an internet youth portal.
click the link below.

http://youthecho.com/the-rocker-chef/

;D

--

CookingWithAnAlternateYou.

2008-05-28T23:01:00.016+08:00

-

i like burgers. they're simple and tasty. here in london though, susah nak dapat burger yg halal and sedap. it's always either tak halal, or tak sedap. so sometimes i make my own.

this is gonna make about 2 portions.

you need:

250g ground beef+salt+pepper, shaped into 2 burgers

1 large onion, cut into rings

4 button mushrooms, sliced

tomato slices

lettuce

burger buns

these are just basic stuff; if you want, you can whatever it is you want to the burger mix or whatever topping you prefer: pickles, chillies, blablabla.

now to cook the burger, heat up some oil in a pan until quite smoky. add the sliced onions first, and brown slightly.

when the onions are soft a bit, put the meat in the pan.yuppo, same pan. jimat masa dan kuali. let them be for a moment.

while that's cooking, assemble the bun: i did mine, bread, lettuce, tomato. you can put mayo or mustard or apa-apa la that you like.

now back to the pan. turn the burger over. kacau-kacau the onions a bit, don't burn them. put the sliced mushrooms in the pan now.

now just cook until the burger is well done. you can do it a bit undercooked, but you risk a case of being badly sick la. when the meat is cooked, take it out, and leave it for a few minutes so the juices run out. this would make sure it won't make your burger bun soggy.

now assemble your burger. i finished my meat patty with some cheddar cheese. my assembly went: bun, lettuce, tomato, burger, mushrooms, cheese, onions, bun.

there you go. The Burger Ikut Perasaan.

--

=

Idiot Animals: Capybaras

2008-05-16T07:12:00.006+08:00

If the Sloth looked like the kid in school you wanted to punch in the face, this creature is probably it's annoying best friend. They're even from the same continent of South America.

Behold the Capybara, the world's largest rodent. Or, as my brother and I like to refer to it, the 'Bread of The Amazon'. I'll get to that later. First, let's look at this monster.

despite having the title of world's largest rodent, it's not that impressive. it just looks like a scaled up guinea pig, but with none of the cuteness of that rodent. instead, it looks messy and filthy. it looks like a toilet brush with legs.

i was at the zoo, and for some reason the zoo put one of these beasts at the petting section. i came up to it, where it dropped, looking sweaty and exhausted. out of curiosity i scratched it; lame creature went to sleep. and for the record it's fur is coarse (like a toilet brush) and it's skin bumpy (like buttocks with acne).

gross.

now, i mentioned above that my brother and i call this big rat the 'Bread of The Amazon'. it's not an honorary title. it's because almost every other animal in the Amazonian jungle and pantanals seem to kill and eat this animal. the capybara has filled the stomachs of:

anacondas
piranha
crocodiles
caimans
jaguar
army ants
vultures
puma

i bet even trees kill capybaras by landing on them.

and thus the capybara joins the bear, elephant, sloth and slow loris in the Idiot Animals club.

Idiot Animals: Sloths

2008-04-24T01:53:00.003+08:00

what looks like the loser kid in school whom you feel like punching his face in? what is the animal equivalent?

the sloth, of course.

look at it. it really really does look like that kid in school whom everyone beat up for no reason. it just looks so lame. and it is! it is so slow that moss grows on it's fur. it's only defense is living high up in trees. it's ugly, probably smells like wet underwear, and has a mop top hair cut. not the cool beatles kind lak tu.

even one of the 7 Deadly Sins is called 'Sloth'.

some facts that add to the idiot-ness of this beast, from Wikipedia:

The majority of sloth deaths in Costa Rica are from contact with electrical lines
Their claws also provide a further unexpected deterrent to human hunters - when hanging upside-down in a tree they are held in place by the claws themselves and often do not fall down even if shot from below.

what? ahaha. that'd be fun. if you can shoot them without them falling down. you can't even tell the difference between a dead and living sloth then. one more:

On the ground their maximum speed is 1.5 m (5 feet) per minute. They mostly move at 15-30 cm (0.5-1 feet) per minute

5 feet a minute is just wrong. that's so slow. haih.

but the crowning fact that makes the sloth an idiot animal in my book would be:
i was watching a show about the Amazon Rainforest on Discovery, and it was showing a sloth climbing up a tree. it had been on the ground for some sort of stupid reason, i can't remember. as it went up the tree, a puma came along. the puma just looked at it climb up. the sloth must have thought it was gonna be okay as it finally reached quite a high spot... then the puma just jumped up the tree, grabbed the sloth and pulled it down. like a piece of fruit.

sloths = idiot animals.

idiot animals: Bears Part 2

2008-04-11T22:36:00.001+08:00

i rest my case.

here's the video link, in case you can't play the video i embedded above:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=p8AAribhbfc&feature=related

conclusion:
bears = idiots

idiot animals: the slow loris

2008-04-09T04:08:00.003+08:00

another idiot animal session. this time, the Slow Loris.

this is almost a no brainer; an idiot animal that even has an idiot name: Slow Loris. how idiot does an animal have to be if it's name starts with 'slow' and ends with 'loris'. what the hell? isn't loris some sort of sports watch or something? it's slow and now it rips off established sportswear?

just look at the picture above; it looks like it got caught stealing leftover roti canai dough from a mamak shop.

as the name suggests, it is a slooooooooo.........ooooowww animal. it climbs from branch to branch so slowly i could probably download 'The Passion Of The Christ', watch it until it finishes, have dinner and a shower and still the loris would only have moved it's third limb.

oh but wait; it seems that it has a redeeming quality: venom. from Wikipedia:

Slow lorises can produce a toxin which they mix with their saliva and use as protection against enemies. Mothers will lick this toxin onto their offspring before leaving them to search for food. The toxin is produced by glands on the insides of their elbows. The lorises lick or suck it into their mouths and deliver it when they bite.

what now? it has LICK or SUCK its elbows to deliver the poison? i would have shot it off the branches by the time it finished applying venom to its teeth. slow, lame, elbow licking critters.

the kicker: the Malay name for the Slow Loris is 'Kongkang'. sigh. so welcome, Slow Loris, and join the Elephant and the Bear in the Idiot Animals club.

idiot animals: bears

2008-03-20T23:41:00.005+08:00

i'm now gonna start writing about idiot animals. i did this before; about elephants. this time i'm gonna write about bears.

i hate bears. teddy bears are fine enough, although God knows why the inventor chose such an animal to base a cute toy on. bears, like idiot animal number one, elephants, they're big, boorish and.. ugh. just look at it. lazy. easily confused. likes to seek attention from humans. likes human food. haih. they're also ugly and smelly. they eat almost anything. and they can stand on their hind feet, which, when they do, make them look like the world's best "COME KICK ME IN THE NUTS" mascot.

case i point: i was at the zoo and stopped by the sun bear enclosure. there were 2 of the ugly shits, and they were just pacing around. then, for no reason, they started to fight. i was cheering, hoping both would rip each other apart.

real live bears = ugh.

to the dudemeister & the dudemistress

2008-03-09T19:26:00.002+08:00

to my brother Muhammad Adlan and his bride, Rizureen;
Selamat Pengantin Baru,
May Both Of You Be Blessed With Joy and Happiness,
Until The End Of Time.

congrats Baalan & Kak Ayeen

segal and sparks, a love story to remember.

2007-07-20T22:59:00.000+08:00

so i finished Erich Segal's 'Love Story' (2 weeks ago actually; and i read it in an hour or so). what did i think, when compared to Nicholas Sparks' 'A Walk To Remember'..well, this:

AWTR is nice, i give you that, but there's also a sense of sugar coating in it; it's in the way it makes you feel good in the end, i think. a sense of "aw..so sweet..". LS on the other hand, is 'harder' on you, but, to me, at least, LS is actually sadder. whilst AWTR makes you feel 'sweet' and humbled, LS is much more stark in the way it delivered the final blow: she's dead.
the books are incredibly similar: rich jock, poor pretty girl, leaukemia, overbearing father of jock, caring father of pretty girl. almost parallel.
AWTR is a bit Christian-ish in its message (a trait of Sparks, i guess), whilst LS is blunt and straight forward.

scores? i think i gave AWTR an 8.5/10, simply because despite its sad story, its a feel good book. well, Segal's work gets the same score on my chart. read it while listening to the theme from Love Story. it'll work.

and no, i did not cry at the end of either book.

gâteau au fromage avec compote de fraise

2007-06-09T23:12:00.001+08:00

lemony cheesecake w/lemongrass infused summer berries compote *

*compote is a cooked dish of fresh or dried fruits, simmered whole or in pieces in a sugar syrup

i did this for my pastry exam. sedap. hope it scores well. korg exam buat apa? tulis2 dlm kertas? hehe..

>;^p

surprise surprise The Worlds Most Beautiful..~!

2007-05-29T06:20:00.000+08:00

i did a google search on my own name. was quite 'whoa' when a lot of results turned out. what about? well, almost all of them was my poem, 'The World's Most Beautiful', which i sent to an internet poem competition a few years back. that poem won me a prize, haha, and got published in a coffee table book in the USA (i think la). well. i was proud of it. the original copy of that poem, which i wrote in a battered notebook when i was 16 or 17 i think, is probably lost. but its fun and somewhat touching to see it turn out on the net. now my name will be immortal, mwahahaa. anyway here it is..

;)

The World's Most Beautiful

I’d give anything to see the sun set on the horizon,
I’d do anything to gaze at a full moon in the night sky;
Even a rainbow would make me smile,
And I’d love to swim in crystal clear waters
Of an untouched sea;
Sometimes I’ll see a shooting star,
And try to gaze from afar,
All the diamonds in the night sky;
The mist on the mountains is breathtaking,
As is walking in rainforest;
To see cascading waterfalls I’d do anything for,
As to stand on the highest peak in the world,
And look at the sights below;
I’d love to soar on wings above the clouds,
Across the bluest skies;
I’d do anything to see
All the beautiful things in the world,
Like a red rose blooming in the Sahara,
Like a river twisting through a dusty land,
All the beautiful things in the world;

But I also know I am looking at
The world’s most beautiful creation,
Every time you smile,
And every time I look into your eyes.

- Muhammad Edwan Shaharir -

for the first time the kitchen intern appears in actual photographs instead of drawings..

2007-05-14T06:47:00.000+08:00

and so the kitchen intern is back doing kitchen-y stuff.

and i am losing the hairs off my knuckles working at the grille. ouch. no pictures though. it makes me sad.

a thought struck me: i want steak-knives for fingers. it would make my life easier.

some photos.. ;))

2007-04-05T01:04:00.000+08:00

t-rex, natural history museum

bagi makan burung2 merpati yg tembam2 belaka, hyde park

chinese new year in chinatown, leicester square

imperial war museum

st. paul's cathedral

ferrari f430, hyde park corner ;)

thames valley uni (my uni laa..), ealing, london.

snow on the windowsill..m'sia hall, queensway, london.

;p

and here's what i've been cooking at classes..

lamb stew ;) (fuck u secret recipe!)

strawberry mousse & whisky bavarois (its basically a mousse also la..)

smoked sardines
i forgot what these were..tpi it's like a cream puff aa..
lobster thermidor (lobster. lobster. wahahhaa..)

choc. fondant w/white choc ice cream
(this thing sedap gila. it's something of a very lite choc sponge w/choc. filling, pastuh ada white choc ice cream..uhhh. lapar.)

and yeah i like doing those dragon-y wavy stripes.
i'll be back..
;)

when i was in skool blablabla nostalgic story now just read the post.

2007-03-20T02:08:00.000+08:00

hello.

well, because it came out late, and because movie tickets are fucking expensive here, i haven't seen most new stuff at the cinema. ghost rider? no. 300? not out yet. dammit. even with student discounts the price seems...well, mahal gila. for a malaysian student with not much to spare, anyway. the last movie i went to see, which was blood diamond (excellent, btw) cost me £8.80. thats paying RM50+ back in KL. i dunt pay RM50+ to see a movie in KL...

anyway, point is, now that i'm stuck here, i gotta start thinking in local currency. actually i made that decision a few days upon arriving. and if ur thinking of coming here, as a tourist or whatever, bear that in mind. dunt keepon converting currency, cuz u'll end up not spending anything, ahahaha...

good news is, if ur a fashion freak or just love clothes shopping, u'll definitely love it. topshop, zara, h&m, fcuk, etc. is surprisingly cheap here, even when its not sale time. and nanti masa summer nanti, u can bet ur ass that they'll be even cheaper. so mental-note: buy some stuff during summer sale.

but i'm not much of a baju2 kinda guy. of course i appreciate nice looking things (paul smith white sneakers: gorgeous. x knal paul smith? check out the website) tapi i dunt make being fashionable a priority. to u guys who know me, i'm still mostly in a black tshirt/shirt and blue jeans and sneakers. yg x bestnya, to me anyway, is that electronics are so damn mahal kat sini. i mean, now that i regrettably didnt ask for a camera, i find out that cameras are so xpensive!! kat low yat plaza confirm bleh dpt lagi murah..dammit. and i need a camera since my cooking classes require me to take photos of what i cook each time. and a 2MP camera phone with no macro mode, no auto-focus just cant cut it. d'oh!

hm. apa lagi ek? makanan = murah. and if u like chocolates, u'd probably wish u'd die here in a sea of chocolate. byk gila. mcm2 jenis. i have to restrain myself from eating too much candy. and its a hard thing to do..haha..

and kat sini byk gila kedai kebab. its around evry corner. kebab this, kebab that. and most of them are halal, so eating out isnt a problem in london.

walk around in central london and ur bound to see malaysians. wanna make sure? each time u think u see malaysians, just give a shout "malaysia boleh!" and if they turn and look, ta-daaaa, compatriots..ahahha..

since i cant find belachan here(so far) i'll go to malaysia hall to get my sambal belachan fix. diorg nye sambal belacan sedap gila.

uh. lapar.

btw i'm not posting pictures for a reason.

;)

BSc in What The Hell?

2007-02-19T20:58:00.001+08:00

hello. wots up ur bum then?
bollocks all...

well..its been..hmmm, around 3 weeks of being in london. around, closeby, but not yet 3 weeks. i've just commenced my 2nd week of classes here at thames valley university. and u know what? i think i suck.

relatively la of course..i mean, the classes, facilities, people and environment are excellent, but i think its been a little too long since i've been in an active, thinking and working environment. i feel..rusty, u cud say. particularly in dammit pastry class. the first week i was there i felt totally lost, like i had no idea what to do...

i guess eventually i'll catch up and settle in with the flow. but rite now, it feels kinda awkward for me. but its fun...and now i know what my mom said(back when she studied here, london) when she said that, these white people look and seem so intelligent, it really makes your asian mind wonder "what the hell? i didnt think of that!"..they do seem smart and quick thinking. either that, or my heads so thick with all the sleep and nothingness i've been doing the 3 months prior to london..holy crap...~~

and assignment. ASSIGNMENTS!!!!! all my assignments are of a seemingly impossible degree.....but then again, i expected this. this is a degree after all, i keep reminding myself. those diploma assignments i've been doing back at legend seem like nuts all rite now. i have got to reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaally step up my work. this aint no time to do assignment last minute mcm dulu2..

in a way its kinda puki a bit..

i'm blabbering. dunt get me wrong though. these arent complaints. i'm just telling..

;))

datang la london korg..~~~~~~
..

ehehe..
>;)